our landlord is an IDIOT

seriously!! can I smack him now?? PLEASE??! so apparently I gatta get on craigslist and find us a place to move coz once again, our landlord is being the world's biggest ASSHOLE! He's like an arrogant boss. He wants what he wats when he wants it..NO EXCUSES!! he KNOWS the situation we're in right now,and he doesn't care! all he ever says is, "not my problem." u sound like a damn broken record, BITCH! so my parents were letting me know that he came by and was pissed he "had to come by" because we wouldn't answer the phone. ya know,our internet has been going in and out all day, and our phone is a magic jack,so we need the internet in order to use the phone. my parents both,only have prepaid phones,and there minutes were too low to talk to this asshole! so fuckface has a hissy fit like a little kid just because we didn't take his precious call. He thinks the world revolves around HIM(kinda like my cousin). lol apparently, this piece of shit cussed my parents out earlier,so we had this little discussion earlier,and we really need to move. ASAP! it's like my father said earlier, "u don't kill the golden goose." we've been paying his stupid ass for the past 3 years,and he thanks us by being a douchebag: nagging us about getting jobs(like we haven't been TRYING!! LOOK AT THE ECONOMY ASSHOLE!!),still bitching about how we need to get fucking jobs(hey douchebag,I have an interview next week,if I'm lucky they'll hire me).

My dad's working(altho they don't pay him much.) my mom finally got her unemployment,now if I get a job, we'll all be better off btw the 3 of us. ya know, I'm only 25 and supposed to love my own life,but I can't! especially when I HAD a job, I had to fork over all my money to help w/bills coz UR RENT was costing EVERY THING we have!! ur too expensive! >=0 we've all had to suffer just to keep ur ass paid(oh I forgot, it's "not ur problem" well not ur problem...how about we don't pay u at all? and get our dental work done,find a diff place to live,and have some fun? come back bitching later and we'll say, "not my problem." how would u like that?? stupid ass! do u really think u can replace us w/better tenants?? The only tenants UR gonna get,are gonna be DESPERATE tenants; desperate tenants(like us) CAN'T AFFORD UR RENT!! the 1's that CAN-AREN'T DESPERATE!! if some1 has to rent for $1500/mo or so,they're gonna go somewhere, where the repairs are already done! They're gonna go where certain utilites are included,and if there r any repairs, the LANDLORD will fix it-not THEM!! U IDIOT!! ur not gonna have ANY income now asshole! that's right! piss us off; get us to leave. now U will have to do all ur repairs  shit URSELF,if u want any1 in here. and by the way, ur as is too shady for us anyway! u never report us...I'm BETTING the IRS doesn't know about u renting this house. it WAS in foreclosure(prolly still is) does the BANK know u have ppl living in it? prolly not! maybe that's y ur getting ur panties in a wad. I just...UGH! I can't STAND HIM!!!! >.<

I gatta BLOG, dammit! >=0 LOL

ok 1st....the coolness! sooo I actually went w/my mom today to do some rather boring errands,so I could drive a little. lol I needs the practice. lol Anywho, the 1 errand was paying the water bill and when me and my mom got there,she started talking to the lady who was taking our payment. Suddenly, my mom was asking me what Grant's last name is coz she couldn't remember. When I told her, she said that was the name she was seeing on some bins  that were a few feet behind the woman. I was like, "WHAT?! REALLY??!! NO FREAKING WAY!" LOL I had a hard time reading what was written on it,since I'm so near sighted n such, so I took out my glasses and looked. Sure enough! There were some clear bins stacked a few feet behind the lady and in marker, written in red or blue or something, it said "Grant Wilson." NO WAY!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! WHAT AN AWESOME COINCIDENCE!!! ^_^ The lady said she thought they had a new customer or something. Ha ha, my mom just looked at me all wide eyed. lol excuse me, I'M the fan; I'M the 1 w/the HUUUUUGE crush on him, yet UR looking excited??? lol not to mention, SHE was the 1 that spotted it and pointed it out to ME! LOL My  mom actually asked if he might have happened to buy a house in Sarasota. I doubt it. Besides, I saw his recent tweets. He's currently in Ohio this weekend, and I think he and his family wish to stay in Rhode Island. I doubt they would move HERE! It's just a REALLY AWESOME coincidence!! That would be awesome if they decided to get a vacation home HERE,tho. But it's HIGHLY unlikely! I know it's kinda stupid,but I just couldn't stop smiling at that amazing coincidence. =D EEEEEEEEEEE! GRANT WILSON!!! ^_^ *fan girly squeal* LOL Now, I'm gonna make a seperate blog about my newest-but not so new, irritation. >.< NEEEEEEEEEEXT! lol

I always get the most blogging topics from walks with the family lol

my mom actually went more in depth tonight, about Grandma's marriages and divorces from the past and somewhere in the conversation, my dad says something about how Grandma sure knew how to pick em.(men) and of course I tried to tell my parents that THAT was what made marriages/falling in love etc. so damn HARD to do;to get right! All I was trying to say was this is y I don't believe in "true love", and why I don't believe in "the right 1". TOO MANY MEN out there r ACTORS!! They will pretend to love you-pretend he cares,SEEMS like ur prince charming etc etc. JUST to deceive u,and once he gets u where he wants u, BAM! here comes Mr. Asshole! he FINALLY shows u his TRUE COLORS, AFTER u guys r married-AFTER u give up ur virginity;get pregnant etc etc. ya know what I mean ladies? HOW do we know who we can REALLY trust and who's JUST setting a trap for us??? It is any WONDER I can't trust guys??? How can I?? The only way I could trust ANY man,is if MAYBE, I could read his mind; know what his intentions are. Something! of course my dad only hears the part where I can't trust men and takes personal offense to it. Whatever. You'll never understand. Why do I even TRY to explain anything to u?  >.<

"about me" blog for twitter

I've decided to post my about for twitter on here, where I have more room to type. lol Ok, as you can see by my layout and current display pic, I'm a Ghost Hunters fan, and more specifically-a Grant Wilson fan! So...ladies and gay guys..PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, don't hit on me? That is GRANT WILSON, from Ghost Hunters.(check syfy channel or youtube,if ur unfamilliar w/the show.)(I suggest youtube since, Grant's no longer on the show; u can watch older eps he's in.) I am JUST a fan; a fan with a HUGE crush on him, I admit-yes I plead guilty. LOL! I know he is VERY good-looking,but that is NOT me! I am a WOMAN! Grant is a married man anyway,so none of us can have him. Sorry. lol I am also a fan of Phineas and Ferb, Meet the Browns, and The Simpsons, just to name a few, so for those of u that are fans of those..u r welcome to follow and/or just talk to me. I am  NOT, STRICTLY a GHOST HUNTERS only, Fan. lol

 I'm a comic book writer and occassional novel writer. (No, this isn't my career or anything. I just do it as a hobby,so I have something to do that keeps me from dying of boredom.) I have a very creative mind and way of thinking. I have a deviant art and of course, blogger, as u can see: http://thenutty1thatscaresu.deviantart.com/

I've been living inside my own head my whole life; it doesn't look like that's ever gonna change either. =P I'm a major goof ball, social butter fly, college student, and internet addict. I think that's about it for now. Anything else u wanna know, feel free to tweet me, or comment on my blog. whichever. doesn't matter. lol

this way too cool!!! ^_^

I can't BELIEVE I met another fan of Grant Wilson that actually KNOWS him!! ^_^ She found ME on twitter and followed me. she also added me on facebook! I saw the pix!! she did indeed, meet Grant Wilson!! ^_^ She's so LUUUUUUCKY!! every thing I ever suspected of him being just from how he appears to be in the show and from what he has said on twitter and facebook, is TRUE!! She told me he really is that awesome and so is his wife. lol I only met her online tho,not in person. damn.  >.< omg! I wanna go to New Hampshire w/her this halloween(if I can). it would be cool to finally meet HER in person, AND meet Grant! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I think I would DIE if, I met him! omg! I would forget how to breathe! I would have a damn heart attack,and they'd have to call an ambulance! LOL omg omg omg omg OMG! I wanna meet him toooo! WAAAAAAAAAAAH! *cries like a baby* LOL ok,I think I'm done. I just had to get that out of system. How cool is THAT,that I am making friends with somebody who is ALREADY friends w/my celeb crush??!! eeeeeeee! of course, he isn't JUST some very HANDSOME,man I have a major crush on..I admire him GREATLY! He's an inspiration to me. He has restored my faith in the existance of good men out there. lol Now, if I could just find 1 just like him,I'd be set. =D lol EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! ok,I think I finally have that out of my system now. =) Grant Wilson is my heart throb. *hearts in eyes* <3 ^_^

My really corny poem about Grant Wilson,lol

the sight of him makes my heart flutter.
I know he isn't mine and never will be.
I know he doesn't even know me.
I know he is married, but...
he is every thing I desire in a man:
he's sweet.
he's cute.
he's insanely, funny.
he's very intelligent.
he's ambitious.
he's loyal to his family-including his wife..
he's full of morals and values(as far as I can tell).
he's even christian...
no, I am not a home wrecker; I am just an admirer.
he has all the qualities I desire in a man but since he is taken,
I hope to one day find a man just like him for ME. =)
he is a true,real life, prince-charming. =)
He is the perfect example of what a REAL man should be.
I look up to him; I admire him.
while I continue my journey to find my ideal mate,
I will always look at HIM, as an example of what to look for in a guy; to find my perfect guy.
I will look for a guy that has as many of HIS traits, as possible.
He has restored my faith that,
there ARE good,decent,men in this world. =)

What a sad dream =(

I had a dream that Grant Wilson was being rushed in the ER. I don't know what was wrong w/him,and he was still conscious when they wheeled him in rather fast; he had this panicked look on his face and at the same time, he looked like he was in ALOT of pain. I felt so bad for him. =( He wasn't bloody or any thing like that,so I have no CLUE what happened to him. All I could tell was that he was somewhere between panic and being in pain. He was very quiet too,but had this intense look on his face. it was heart breaking to watch. =( I'm just glad it was a dream. I think maybe having yet ANOTHER fan of him,follow me on twitter and talk to me last night,might have triggered the dream. lol I rarely ever have dreams about him if at all. =/ I also dreamed about working at walmart again and feeling deeply DEPRESSED to have to go back. it wasn't like a dream that took place from when I did work there,but more like a dream of me having gone back coz they were the only 1 that would hire me,so I felt deeply depressed. I was even back in softlines-which I hated. Bring back the nice dreams, please? =) lol

I just have too much to say! lol

 I had this nice long chat w/my mom tonight on a walk(NO I didn't WALK MY MOM,Idelise. lol),and we talked about some interesting stuff that's got me thinking about alot right now. I can't remember how the conversation got started exactly,but I started telling my mom about the weird dreams I have..again. I seem to have(creepy) paranormal experiences at times but ONLY in my dreams. it's not even interesting type paranormal stuff. it's the creepy shit! like demons attacking u or something. things just..TOUCHING u in the dark,and u can't see them,but u also an't fight them off coz ur body refuses to move. The dreams I've been having on again off again since I was 13. I also told my mom that back when I was in the hospital,they 1st had me in this 1 big room,and then they later moved me to a smaller room w/1 bed for JUST ME. this was 1 of those times I was sleeping in the dark w/the door shut,so I was DEF ALONE in there. Anyway,it only happened ONCE,but it felt like some1 suddenly took their hand,and ran down my head in a petting motion. I was asleep when this happened,but I was also..hmm how do I describe this?? I was ASLEEP,but somehow ENOUGH alert, that I remembered  I was alone in that room,and I swear I was having a weird dream,but maybe it wasn't a dream.

I gatta wonder. Anyway,when I told my mom about that she said that maybe it was my grandmother. I don't think so. I'm pretty sure if it had been my GRANDMA,I wouldn't have got creeped out. I woulda still been wondering what that was,but I don't think her presence woulda creeped me out. Also,my grandmother died when I was a month shy of my 9th birthday. I was in that hospital at 22. y would she wait all that time to come see me or anything? again tho,it only happened the 1 TIME,and I was asleep. pretty sure I dreamt that. My dreams have a nasty habit of mocking my surroundings detail for detail. that's how they become so vivid. Altho,(and I don't know of this MEANS anything) in that same room my little buzzer that calls the nurse for assistance,kept going off for a while. I wasn't scared. it just annoyed the hell out of me coz it wouldn't QUIT! I had a little remote thing to call w/ as well, as a button on the wall w/a speaker behind my bed. I remember hearing the thing buzz w/o me pushing the button,and the "can I help u" from the nurse's station. I felt bad coz this happend numerous time and numerous times,I had to tell them "no thx I'm good. the buzzer keeps going off by itself." All I could think of was "the boy who cried wolf",and if this thing didn't stop,then when I call them for real,they weren't gonna respond. LOL


Anyway,me and my mom started talking about all kinds of crazy things, like the possibility of there being other dimensions,but we don't know about them. just like in movies. lol My mom also reminded me that shortly after Grandma passed,my cousin claimed he went home 1 day,no1 else was home,and the tv was on. not only that,but it was on the western channel,which supposably, my grandmother was the only 1 that ever watched that channel,so I dunno. Oh,and among other things,my mom was emailed some article about xylitol. I already knew that xylitol prevents cavities,but apparently it does even more than that. it can help battle cancer all kinds of other things too. My mom said somethig about it working like teplon or something,in ur body. it makes bacterias n stuff slip right out of ur system. it's also a natural sugar u can use that doesn't make u gain weight,and in fact can help u LOSE weight too. Oh,and another thing it said was,we're lead to believe we get hearburn real bad because we have TOO MUCH stomach acid,but somehow the OPPOSITE is the culprit. NOT ENOUGH stomach acid,so ur body doesn't absorb all the nutrients and stuff like it's supposed to,so vitamins don't work for instance. Just interesting stuff like that. yeah,that pretty much sums it up. lol

For Idelise! Happy Birthday; Feliz Cumpleanos

yes,my silly little attempts at learning spanish again.. LOL! I thought that since I'm broke as hell and can't buy anything,I would make this for u instead. A whole collection of photos for ya...of DEVON SAWA!! =D Enjoy,Birthday Girl. =)

try not get drool all over yourself,Idelise. LOL

I figured since I made 1 of these of Grant Wilson for myself,I'd make 1 of Devon Sawa as well just for u. Happy Birthday, Girly. =)

My Favorite Pictures of Grant Wilson

Here's a collection of my current favorite pictures of Grant Wilson! LOL

Amy Bruni,posing with this sexy beast(Grant Wilson) who looks less than thrilled. lol

I love this 1 coz he looks like he's(and prolly IS) smirking at someone. lol

I love this 1 because I can REALLY SEE his eyes;they're BEAUTIFUL! ^_^ plus the look on his face is PRICELESS! LOL

This 1 is just waaaaaaaaaay too funny! the look on Grant's face just kills me! LMAO! I'm a little envious of that alien tho..damn what a lucky alien! lol

He just has this boyish charm about him that's quite adorable ^_^

I dunno,this 1 just has that romantic look/feel to it. maybe it's because his hair is being blown by the wind. whatever it is,he just looks SEXY in this 1. =)

I'm not sure WHO the girl is that has the Grant Wilson fan page(there's 2 of those pages,and I can't remember which page I got this from,nore do I know who runs the page),but the girl that made the fan site,also made this pic,and it looks so cool. =)

He looks ADORABLE in this pic. eeeeeeeeeeee =D lol

the look on his face is too funny,but he also looks real FINE in this 1. nice pose. ;) =D

Anywho,these are my main favorite pics of him.(haha I'm sure I'll find more.)

Maybe a more appropriate title for this blog would be: The Hottie Gallery. LOL

I just don't know. I'm feeling torn right now

It's weird how I'm being contacted by INSURANCE companies for a potential job when I have NO insurance experience; I've never worked in or for insurance/an insurance company before. I went to a little meeting today to find out what all I would be doing,and it sounds really good. I usually get freaking nervous about having to call people up,rather than THEM calling ME,and I give them information like I'm USED to doing,but the PAY I would get is sooooo enticing to me right now. Plus this guy said u could ACTUALLY earn enough money to retire in about 5 years. THAT SOON! hmmm should I go for this or not?? insurance isn't my thing,and I've always believed in doing what u LOVE but let's face it, what I love to do isn't something that's EASY to get into,nore am I gonna get into it any time SOON,and I NEED a job NOW! the sooner the better. I'm waffling back and forth between how nervous this gonna make me,plus it not being my interest,and the fact it makes GOOD MONEY,I would be full time,and I get to pick and choose when I work and for how long. I'd always have holidays off,and I could earn WAY more money in less the time,as anywhere else.

 Is this an door of opportunity that opened up for me that I would be STUPID NOT TO TAKE,or do I really need to find something I KNOW I won't get burnt out on,and I won't have to DEDICATE myself to it? I was just looking for any job right now. Something to pay for me go to the dentist,get my license,and eventually move out on.  I want a career but not THAT 1. Hmmm should I? shouldn't I? flip flop. flip flop. LOL haha,I was actually given a "homework assignment"(yep, we're going back next week),to google 10 worst insurance companies,and tell atleast 3 people about this opportunity(wonder if telling my 3 family members in my house counts?),and I guess we gatta do some presentation thingy. wow! that's gonna be WEIRD! On the other hand,I guess it gets us used to doing something like now,coz eventully we'll be doing stuff like that for real. I'm even leaning on the idea of staying at the office making phone calls,and trying to sell over the phone,but making an appointment that I have to go to and meet up w/these people to discuss the insurance will make me NEEEEERVOUS!! omg! that's way interaction than I'm used to. Plus, I don't have a license,so driving anywhere is NOT an option. damn. =(

after trying with no success to change my dreams,I finally succeeded,once

I've heard for YEARS that if u don't like a dream ur having,u can change it. Of course,that only works if ur dream is lucid;u have to KNOW ur dreaming,or it won't work. lol coz obviosuly if u think it's real,ur gonna think u can't change it coz u can't change real life. lol I used to have these same nightmares on and off,that I always knew was JUST a dream when I had them. I would always try to change them,but I never could. I even tried to wake myself up,but that never works either. This last dream I had was kinda boring,so I decided I wanted to change it. I thought that I'd rather be on the beach or something,and then I thought how awesome it would be to date Grant Wilson.( I knew I was dreaming,so I felt no shame.) lol I managed to 1st be on a pretty beach,playing in the water(yes,I'm such a kid at heart. lol),and then I felt a presence(like when some1 walks up to u from behind.),and I turned around to see Grant Wilson,approaching me. YAAAY! ^_^ I thought we'd just hang together on the beach,but he decided to take me to some nice little restaurant that was right there on the beach. We walked together holding hands. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee =D lol It was a cute little place windows,and where I was seated,I was facing a windo and could view the beach which was gorgeous. ^_^ too bad the dream ended THERE. =( I finally managed to create my OWN dream!! yaaaaay! ^_^ as close to romantic a dream,as I'm gonna get about Grant,and that was because I created it in my head that way. lol ^_^

my cousin is such a LIBERAL, lol

My brother posts some jokes on facebook,that can be racist,but they're not his own words. they're things he sees online and shares on his profile. Some of it is from games or tv shows he likes,and in those games and shows,they say and do the things that the jokes say. My cousin actually messaged me to ask me y my brother is racist. OMG! LOL! do I LOOK like his MOTHER?? he's 16!! u have him on facebook as well!! y don't u ask HIM?! good Lord! I told him my brother's not actually racist or full of hatrid by ANY means! he just as a WARPED sense of humor,and he's told me has black friends that apparently, like those jokes too. my cousin needs to get off his high horse already,and stop taking EVERY THING so personal. It annoys ME,but my brother finds it HILARIOUS that r cousin is "crying" again. lol maybe it's funny to U,but when YOU'RE the 1 getting accused of being narrowminded,racism,being insulted,etc. over ur DIFFERENCE IN OPINIONS,than it's not so funny.

My cousin is EVERY THING he accuses me of being. What he accuses christians,whites(btw he's white),and republicans of being. It's ALL HIM!! I can't post ANY THING religious or political on my wall with out my cousin having a hissy fit like a 4 year old. He takes every thing I put up as a PERSONAL INSULT to HIM! right? as if he's that important to me that, I wanna DELIBRATELY egg him on. suuuure. nvm,that the political stuff is bashing OBAMA!(yes 1 did bash liberals in general-coz most of them ARE stupid.) He takes every thing as if it actually says, "Israel"(that's his name) is a dumb ass" etc.

He doesn't bother to fully read it,and he sure as HELL doesn't bother to pay attention to the little link that CLEARLY says, "SHARED SO AND SO'S PIC" meaning it isn't MINE! I wish my cousin would take a chill pill,and stop being so politically correct. Do u really ENJOY having to edit every thing u say coz u worry u MIGHT offend somebody?? Big deal! People say shit all the time that offends ME! I get over it! I don't tell them they can't say it,coz they CAN! it's called freedom of speech! u don't have to LIKE it,but I am ALLOWED to say it! If every body agreed on every little thing,there would be nothing to talk about to anyone because we'd all be predictable and boring as hell. I will never understand why liberals in general(and my cousin) preach about acceptance of others and their differences,yet try to mold every body into THEIR way of thinking. y it is they try to make everybody think and talk alike. Sounds like the damn extremist muslims! every body must think like us,or there will be HELL to pay! GOOD GRIEF! go get a hobby! 1 that DOESN'T require u shoving ur opinions down other's throats-ya know like u accuse every1else of doing?? sheesh! lol

I wish 2 GOD my cousin would end up meeting Carlos Mencia someday! haha,Carlos would have a FIELD day w/him! I would get out the popcorn,and pull up a chair just to watch. LOL

If I had a penny for every dumb ass dream I got,I would be wealthy by now lol

I had this dream prolly..yesterday I think it was. Oddly enough,after a yr of not working there anymore,I'm still getting dreams about Walmart. lol In my dream I was at walmart w/my mom,and a big shopping cart full of groceries. She wanted ME to pay for the groceries on my card while she went to the bathroom. I was standing there in line(it wasn't a very long line. maybe 4 or 5 ppl ahead of me.),waiting to be rung up when I realized that my mom told me herself I had a negative balance in account(she told me this in reality by the way,I was just remembering that IN the dream. lol),and I realized there was no way in hell I could pay for these groceries. oh, right before I realized that,my mom told me the cashier was going to break(yeah after she helped EVERY person in that line EXCEPT me,and I was the last 1 in line.),and she would come ring me when she came back. My mom headed to the bathroom,and shortly after,my dad shows up. lol I told him that I just realized my card had a negative balance on it anyway,and my dad said something about my mom being crazy especially when SHE was the 1 that told me I had no money on my card,yet she expected ME to pay for every thing. lol Meanwhile,w/this going on,my dad tells me to buy the stuff anyway,and I see the cashier come back,but she goes to a different register. I started to get my stuff back in the cart and head to her line,until ANOTHER cashier opened back up the same register I had been waiting at. I stayed there,yet somehow there were MORE PPL IN FRONT of me! I was like "wtf?" The cashier not only took these people AHEAD of me(she let them skip me),but she had them help her move all MY stuff out of the way,so she could ring them up. I was like "wtf". I said something like,"hey! what about ME! I've been waiting here all this time." She kinda laughed at me and made 1 oh those apologies that really mean,"I'm not sorry at all." Well,I do have a negative outlook on Walmart,and the way they treat their people. Is it any wonder my subconscious pulled that up?? LOL It was still a DUMB dream. lol

I have another great idea for a fanfic

I wonder if I should attempt to write it as a NOVEL,or just stick to making every thing as a comic book? hmmmmmmm... lol GAAAH! how come I only think of novels n such when it has to do w/ROMANCE??  that of course only generates idea when I am crushing on/in love w/someone. dammit! >.<  lol I'm thinking of maybe..a story that has to do w/me meeting the hottest ghost hunter in the world...in another dimension. buahahaah! that other dimension crap is so fascinating to me...almost as much as any thing to do w/the paranormal does. I will keep toying w/ideas until I figure what/which ones I'd like to use and how. =) now that I'm a little better at my grammar n such,I might find it easier to write a book this time. We shall see.. lol

I probably should've done this all along

Instead of going to college when I got my GED,I should've just went to a trade school. It would take me less time to complete,and a job would be waiting on me when I was done. I should've done that 1ST,so that I would HAVE a job,and THEN go to college. I'm just sayin. I'm seriously leaning toward not going back to SCF in the fall and going to either MTI or SCTI this fall. I need something that will land me a job in LESS than a yr. The sooner,the better. I'm 25 years old,man. How much freaking longer am I expected to live w/my parents? How much longer must I suffer because I can't afford to get my dental work done? What other health issues do I need to endure because I have neither a job or insurance? How much longer do I need to go not having a license? How much more suffering in general must I TAKE before life finally eases up on me? Before the economy finally decides to turn around?? Enough is ENOUGH!! College,bye bye for now. Helllllo trade school! It's either that or enlist in the military,but that's just not my kinda thing;I'm not cut out for it,and I know it. Now I gatta figure out what I can go for that will land me a STABLE job; a job that I'll still be out of work on because of this frickin economy? What kinda job is ALWAYS available(besides stuff in the medical field;I'm not interested in that.) no matter WHAT the economy?? What is something I could enjoy,I won't get burnt out on real fast,and there is always work in that field?? what would that be?? does any1 know?  What SHOULD I go for? I need to decide fast coz classes start in the fall,and I need to be registered by June or July. I need to make a decision and QUICK! LOL

I can't believe I had a dream about my STUPID cousin!

somehow,I ended up spending some 1 on 1 time w/my cousin(the 1 I don't like),and even in the dream,I wasn't happy about it at all. He didn't even have the kids he has now nore was his wife w/him. It was JUST us! Anyway,he had a baby boy,but this baby was soooooo tiny,I could literally hold him in my hand. I have very small hands,which means this baby was that much tinier. I was sitting on the couch at somebody's house,holding that baby(who was precious by the way),and my stupid cousin was just trying his best to egg me on,and get me pissed off. He was trying to talk politics-no worse! he was trying to talk shit about conservative/republicans again. All I wanted to do was sit there and hold that precious baby. He was cute and I loved him. I could tell that baby loved me as much too. I guess as far HE knew,I his mother. (Ewwwwww,not if my cousin's his father!! *pukes*) All my cousin could do was talk crap about republicans and all,and I remember telling him that we all have the right to think how we want. We all have different beliefs. I can't remember HOW I worded it,but I know it was really good. Idiot comes back however,and says something like, "yes,people have a right to think how they want and choose 1 side or the other,and they have the right to also go and get educated later on too." In other words,he was STILL saying that if u disagree w/him on an issue,or an ignorant moron and u need to go get "educated." Even in my DREAMS he pisses me off. LOL WHY couldn't I have a dream about GRANT WILSON?! The man I LOOK UP TO! The man I have a crush on! A man worthy of respect. A man w/intelligence and TRUE acceptance of people and their differences,etc. NO! I had to dream about somebody I CAN'T STAND! REALLY??!! COME ON!! What a ripoff!!! >=0 LOL

Dear Future Boyfriend/Husband...I hope this is you

This is what I'm looking for in a man,and I pray I find him someday.(also that I can let him into my heart/life,since I'm so skittish w/men.)

-good looks(good looking to ME anyway; sometimes this isn't very hard to accomplish. lol)

-a total goof ball(this means no matter how old he gets,he still acts like a silly child. ex: playing w/toys and making voices for em w/the kids,or even if we don't have kids, doin it just to be funny.) lol

-totally sweet. he'd do anything for me(and any kids we have). no matter how often we argued/disagreed on something,in the end he'd feel like he can't live w/o me,and we'd be quick to forgive each other.

-sensitive( but not TOO sensitive) I want him to know he CAN cry(within reason. if he's a crier because we JUST met and I'm not interested for instance,then that's just plain creepy/annoying.)Crying because someone died or something like that,is acceptable. I also want him to be so deep in love(NOT LUST-there IS a difference. I'm talking even W/O sex)w/me,that he wants to spend as much time w/me as possible,but at the same time,knows when to give me my space.

-PATIENCE! I'm putting this in caps coz I can't STRESS ENOUGH how important that is to me. I don't like 2 be rushed. I do get nervous in relationships. I haven't been in very many of them and when a man is VERY pushy,all it does is freak me out and piss me off. This causes us to fight all the time, which is never good. He must have patience,and be willing to be in a "12 year old relationship" for as long as I need to-preferably till marriage. This also goes for when he's dealing w/me. I'll make that next list item.

-Accepting he has to accept me as I am. I know I can be very cranky,emotional,have a hard time trusting others, etc. but he has to understand what I've been through and what I fear. He has to be willing to SHOW me he's different from other men. He can't just tell me that he's not like other guys,and to stop painting him w/the same brush or anything. He has to PROVE it to me! show me EVERY DAY how different you are,and do NOT CHANGE!  Also,don't try to shape and mold me into what/who U want me to be. U say u like me as I am,so take me as is. That simple!

-Be HONEST and UPFRONT! Do not pretend to be somebody u AREN'T! Don't claim you're different. Don't claim you love me/care about me just to get into my pants. Don't act like you're the nice,sweet,sensitive,caring,funny guy I crave,if that isn't really you. If I fall in love w/u, it's for a reason. If u go changing that,u ruin it for both of us. I can't and WON'T be in a relationship based off lies! I want the kind of man I want and if that's not YOU,then leave me the hell alone!! DON'T WASTE MY TIME OR MY FEELINGS! there r plenty of hoes out there u can go after for a cheap lay,if that's all you're seeking. Leave us nice,self respecting,seeking a committed relationship of true love,girls ALONE! we don't need ur crap!! we don't need anymore damage done to our hearts,that will make it DIFFICULT for us to trust a man that DESERVES it. Also,if u truly ARE the nice guy type-DON'T CHANGE THAT!! I LOVE that about you!! why would u change the best part of ur personality that made ur girl fall in love w/u? that's STUPID! That's like getting an asset that makes u a BILLIONAIRE overnight,and then throwing it all way making u broke again.

Last but not least...

Ambition! I want a guy that has ambition. I want a guy that wants to become wealthy-own a business(or if he's already rich that's just a bonus. lol),or at least wants to/and DOES go after a college degree. I don't want a man's who's "ambition" is work Walmart or McD's,while drinking himself stupid/smoking marijuana 24/7,hitting up every club. I want a man who has REAL goals and dreams!

haha,I think most of this(if not all of it) describes Grant Wilson,perfectly well. He IS my inspiration to find a decent guy. If men like HIM exist..well there's gatta be others just like him somewhere,right? He CAN'T BE the only 1! =0 Ok,that's pretty much my order in a nutshell. This my order to God and the Universe. This is the kind of man I would really like,please? =)


oh I forgot 1: LOYALTY! I am a 1 man, woman,so I expect to have a 1 woman, man. I do NOT believe in sharing,and I WON'T! if u wanna sleep/date around w/other women then u will not be w/ME. I don't go for that shit! a relationship/marriage is between 2 PEOPLE,not 3 and 4 and 6 and 800! 2! I won't share. If ur gonna be mine,ur gonna be mine and mine ALONE.

I'm sick of EVERY THING!

I'm sick of this damn economy,where no matter how many applications I put in,NOBODY calls me or if I at least get some kind of interview,they jerk me around and make me think I have a chance of getting the job,but don't hire me. I'm SICK of all the fighting at home. My dad going ape shit coz I'm not being his little slave and cleaning the house all day,but since we're poor as hell,and this house is inefficient as FUCK, so we don't DARE run the air,so it's too damn hot,and I AM not doing anything when it's hot! I'm sick as hell of having NOTHING 2 look forward to,except poverty and homelessness!! I'm sick of EVERY THING!! >.<

I love how people think they fucken know it all

I made a rant on facebook about how there no jobs(and there aren't),and one of my friends thinks there jobs a dime a dozen,and my only problem is I won't just work anywhere! really?? I even put in for WALMART again,and I have put in for 2 diff restaurants,1 fastfood,1 not. it doesn't matter! I'm not getting ANY calls! I even made my resume up and put it up on career builder. I've pursued some jobs. NOTHING! I'm glad u know so fucken much little Miss, "I got a job in a month." GOOD 4 U!! it's prolly because ur bilingual!! did u ever think of that?? I wonder how much easier it would be for me to get a job if I was bilingual too?? UGH! ok,so Idelise(my best friend) is the ONLY 1 I can talk to about ANYTHING,coz the rest of my so called "friends" r being a bunch of hypocritical know-it-alls. >.< I'm so sick ppl NEVER understanding(or even TRYING to understand) where I'm coming from! this is y I stick to twitter and blogger. Facebook is full of too many hypocrites that don't know what they're talking about. >.<  The only part of facebook I like,is the Grant Wilsn fan sites where I get to talk to other fans that actually have some kid of BRAIN in their heads. They're more concerned w/ talking about Grant Wilson,and less concerned w/judging others.  >.<

hilarious story

My dad actually ate dog food,well almost. LOL my mom put in a plastic jar(which is what she NORMALLY puts REGULAR FOOD in),and it was on the counter. My dad thought it was cereal,reached in,got a handful(I thought he was going to give to the dogs,so I didn't say anything.),and put in his mouth. LOL He spat it right back out and was like, "this is dog food." LMAO!!! me n him both laughed(I laughed the hardest.) Yeah,that's my hilarious story of the night. That was waaaaaay too funny,just thought I'd share it w/ya. =) lol

all my silly little sites. lol

Twitter: https://twitter.com/https://twitter.com/#!/childofthe90s<---u can follow me if u like my blog,and/or wanna chat. I'm on twitter all the time. =)

Deviant Art: http://thenutty1thatscaresu.deviantart.com/
if u like comic-style stories,photography,or even Ghost Hunters/Grant Wilson(then u'll like my fanfic),then my site's the place to go. I have all kinds diff things for u to look at,if u like that sorta thing,or if ur just curious. lol


and if your're interested in joining a website to make a little bit of extra money just for taking surveys,completing offers,watching videos,and even shopping,then this is the site for u: http://www.cashcrate.com/3733184

u don't get rich or anything,but I've only had the site for a few days,and I'm already up to $8.50. not bad! they even give u $1 automatically just for signing up. There r quite a few surveys and offers themselves,that pay $1 and up just for signing up to take more surveys. they only require ur email bascially,and that's about it. They send u ur 1st paycheck once u earn $20. Not too bad at all if ur like me, unemployed and ANY money is better than nothing,then I suggest this site. =)

rule no.1 if it sounds 2 good 2 be true,it is.

I got 2 responses on my resume from careerbuilder,FINALLY! The I got is FOR Protocol,who I worked for before,through a staffing agency,but I got let go. I thought for sure I got this job offer from THEM,which means I could work directly FOR them this time. Nope. It was from the staffing agent itself. I don't WANT 2 work thru the staffing agent again. I want DIRECT employment. I want to LAST. What good is a job ur just gonna lose in a few weeks? I've got dental work to get done,and a driver's license to get. I have..well I have many reasons/uses for money,I can't go working some place that's TEMPORARY. I want DIRECT employment,or it just aint worth my time. I don't want another job I'm JUST going to lose b4 I know it. I want 1 that's going to LAST.  I want security. What a bummer! Just goes to show u that if it seems/sounds/look to be too good to be true,then it is. Yep. Def ready to head to Texas now,or whatever state has a booming economy. Direct me there please? lol Maybe I AM going to have to enlist in the military just to get my independance and financial stability. There aren't any other options. I don't want to,but I am getting DESPERATE! I even applied for WALMART again(which I vowed not to go back to-unless I got desperate.). I haven't even heard from THEM,and I'm supposed to be RE-HIRABLE! UGH! *bangs head against wall repeatedly* >.< I'm SICK of this STUPID ECONOMY!!!! >=0

this silly idea came to me last night lol

 I don't believe in the lottery because the odds r just way too high about winning. I also,feel this way about finding the right guy for me,so I decided to try this someday(ya know,when I have MONEY again.). I thought "well I stand a better chance of winning the lottery than I do of finding my Mr.Right." Then this crazy idea came to me: what if I start playing the lottery? This is kind of like a self challenge/bet to myself: I bet I'm more likely to win the lotto b4 I find the right guy for me. I just thought it would be fun to see which 1 happens to me 1st: winning the lottery,or finally meeting my dream man. It sounds like a silly idea,but at the same time,it sounds like a GREAT idea to me,and oddly enough,I think it'll keep me from feeling depressed & mopey the way I've been feeling for a long time now. It'll give me something to do and eventually,1 or the other is gonna happen to me and either way ,I'll be so happy. =) I still need a job,so that I have the MONEY to play lotto tho. damn. this goes right back to what's depressing me in the 1st place-I can't find a job. =,( I need someone to pray for me,since it OBVIOUSLY isn't working when I do my own praying. -_-  =( Oh well,it seemed like a nice idea for a little while.... T_T

my brief experience with PPD

I've been bombarded w/endless sites that promise u, u will make money thru them at no cost,and w/o having make ph calls/take calls,or even PAY to get started! my dad is always getting pissy w/me because I assume every site that sounds too good to be true is. Well,that's because I'm always right. Project pay day promises they'll teach u how to make money,and get u set up for FREE! that is BULLSHIT! I admit,I was skeptical and wasn't going to sign up at 1st,but then I signed on for more legitimate survey sites,and 1 of the offers they have u sign up for is project pay day.
I've searched endlessly to find reviews from ppl who tried them b4,to find out if they're good. I got ambiguous reviews. There was a TON of negative comments saying it was scam,but there was also, a ton more that say it really works if u just put in the time and effort. I don't mind putting time and effort into it. what I DO mind is having to SPEND money,to MAKE money,ESPECIALLY,when the video they made, TELLS u u don't have to spend any money to get started. This is the part where I say,"BULLSHIT!" Yes,it's "free" to sign up and all but by the time u do, ur account STILL isn't activated because ur expected to sign up for 1 of their "free" sponsors. Ok,well my survey sites have me sign up for offers too,to get points but all I have to do is get an acc for another survey site that I'm gonna earn points/money from anyway. NO CHARGE. turns out this ins't the case w/ project payday. U not ONLY have to sign up for a "free" sponsor(I don't know y they even call it that.),ur account is STILL not activated. I was wondering y after HOURS,I still couldn't access my account(it claimed it should only take about 30 seconds for it acctivate). turns out it's not ENOUGH to sign up for 1. I have to BUY something thru this so called "free" sponsor. wtf? didn't u JUST get done telling ppl that they DON'T have to BUY anything to get started??? u don't lie much do u? I don't HAVE ANY MONEY. that's Y I'm here in the 1st place. how can u expect me to spend money I don't have?? I'm trying to MAKE money,not spend it. So, the NEGATIVE reviews about it are right; it's a total rip off.  >.<

ok,I'm addicted. lol

this really isn't some "get rich over night" site,but if ur interested in making a little money or even if u just wanna waste a little time, u can make an acc. w/ cash crate. ---->http://www.cashcrate.com/3733184
u can take surveys,watch vids,and in general,waste ur time,and get paid to do it. u don't get paid till u make $20 tho,but that's gas money u can use at least. lol I need to get off these websites already tho,coz I am getting soooooooooo tired. lol I'm also a hooked on memelink:http://www.memolink.com /index.cfm/my.invite/1292555     my best friend told me this is a legitimate website,and since she always researches everything throughly b4 she uses it,I believe her. lol

I'm seriously considering moving to Texas

 I am just so FED UP,w/this stupid economy in Florida,and I hear that Texas has a BOOMING economy right now. I also have family there(that I haven't personally met yet),that live in the Houston area,and I believe Houston is 1 of those big city types,which means,more jobs. Texas also has weather very much like Florida,so I'll be able to handle it. Unlike,if I go up north somewhere, where it gets INCREDIBLY cold during the winter. lol Also, I have already been told/read about it,etc. that people in Texas are more religious/patriotic/have a love of God,etc...,and those r the kind of people I wish 2 be around. =) Even in IL.,I thought the ppl there were so much nicer and more down to earth,than ppl in Florida. Ok,maybe I'll just got to GA.coz they TOO,have the same bigger # of nice ppl than 1's that aren't. Whereas, Florida,is the other way around. We have WAY more stupid,ignorant,asshole, people here,than we have nice,down to earth, morals &values, people. I'm SICK of being here. Come to think of it, even tho I had every intention of coming BACK to Florida when I finished high school in Illinois, I think I was starting to change my mind but hadn't realized it yet. 1 good reason I got super PISSED about being sent home, not just because I didn't get to finish high school,or go to prom(and maybe even ask out/get to know that boy I liked),but I think maybe,I was wanting to STAY there. Well, maybe not Jacksonville since it's a small town,but I kinda wanted to stay up north. The environment-the people,the school system and all,is just so much better there. I just want to ESCAPE! I just want my INDEPENDANCE! I'm 25 years old! I don't wanna live w/my parents FOREVER! An old coworker and very good friend of mine,is in his MID 40's,and he's living w/his parents because he works the same shitty job I had that doesn't pay worth a crap! He can't afford to get his own place. I don't wanna be like that! How HORRIBLE! I feel like I need to do something-and SOON! However,I COULD just get my resume posted up on a job site and maybe attract employers. It worked for my mom's friend.  I dunno. I just know I gatta do SOMETHING. =(

about my fan fic:

Back in December,when I lost my internet and was utterly bored, I made a fan fiction,comic about Ghost Hunters..well MORE about Grant Wilson, anyway. lol I decided to combine my addiction to Ghost Hunters,my crush/being a fan on/of Grant Wilson,and my ex boyfriend's stupidity and annoyances together,and managed to make 1 big comic book out of it. lol Basically, I have me and my best friend,checking out the new amusement park that just opened up,which turns out to be the 1 that Grant's "twin brother", Jared is part owner of,add in there my ex happens to be at the park too coz he was 1st drawn there by the # of trash cans in the park. Then, Jared goes to scope out the park he and his best friend,Drake, just purchased together,and Jared sees me/my best friend,looking at a poster about a ghost tour being advertised,and Jared instantly gets this insane crush on me and goes out of his way to get to know me more. Also,my character think he's Grant(and so does everybody else) because Grant never MENTIONS having a twin to any1,so only ppl that know Grant in person,know about,and personally know, Jared. So because of this, I'm afraid to date Jared and afraid to  believe, he's really a twin like he claims because, Grant is a married man,and despite the fact I have a huge crush on him,I have morals and standards; a knowledge of what's right and wrong and would never get involved w/a married man.

Even tho I kinda spend time in the park w/him and let him show me around,I won't quite start dating him because I have a hard time believing Grant really has a (single),twin I can actually be w/. Also,there will be other ppl that don't know about Jared either,and they too, think he's Grant. lol They can see the adoration he has in his eyes,as he's hanging w/me and trying to get to know me,and there's some concern that's he's cheating on his wife. lol Also,throw into the mix,my idiot ex is insanely jealous,coz I'm w/ some better looking,smarter guy,and he can't understand y any girl, would choose that kinda guy, over a retard like him. LOL! so in the mean time, my ex finds out that Grant is a paranormal investigator(or paranoia instigator as my moron ex calls him. lol),and watched only 1 ep of Ghost Hunters and thinks he knows it all. He thinks the reason I like Grant(mind u,I'm really w/his TWIN.) is because he's a ghost hunter,and Gary thinks if he can outdo Grant in investigating spirits,he'll get me back and away from Grant,by doing the STUPIDEST things to "investigate". Add into this mixture,the REAL Grant,and Jason come into the story and happen to be at walmart(where the idiot is doing his "investigation"),and see my ex doing the worst job ever of investigating paranormal activity,and they're not happy about it of course. He's making them look bad,and discrediting them enough,that he irritates them. lol

I had so much fun making that story,and I made deviant art JUST, so I could post it up for every1 to see. LOL! I had another Ghost Hunters fan,actually contact me to let me know she couldn't read it. It was hard to see,since I did it in pencil,and in a really huge sketch book that wouldn't fit the scanner,so I had to take pic of it,and upload it that way. I'm amazed that anybody wanted to read it at all. I've been posting some pretty humurous comics,but nobody comments. lol they do "fav" alot of them tho. =D

hilarious convo with the bestie. lol

w3irdalfan21 11:09 pm
    FINALLY
    LOL
    Jim is bacl
    back*
    I just gave him my ph # incase I can't get back online next time,he can call me atleast and plan to come see u
    I think unlike Gary,he really WIL go to Tampa to meet u
    he REALLY wants to meet u LOL
    I REALLY wanna meet Grant Wilson:-D
    ^_^
    hell I wanna meet the whole TAPS team coz they're funny XD
    they're brats! they LOVE to pick on each other lol

 w3irdalfan21 11:12 pm
    ahhhh so nice to watch Ghost Hunters again:-D
    AHHHHHHHHH grant wilson!!!!:-D
    oh crap! I'm sounding like U!!!!=-O
    HEEEEEEEEEELP
    LOL

 Idelise Espinosa 11:16 pm
    lol

 w3irdalfan21 11:16 pm
    :-D
    excuse me, I have to go wipe the drool off my face. I've been staring at pix of Grant Wilson again
    LOL
    and watching Ghost Hunters
    ROFL
    :-D
    his wife is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LUCKY!!! LUCKY!!
    and did I mention she's LUCKY??!! >.<
    LOL

 Idelise Espinosa 11:18 pm
    u said that lol

 w3irdalfan21 11:18 pm
    no I didn't
    LOL
    he's HOT!!!

 Idelise Espinosa 11:19 pm
    all the women who have the guys we crush on r lucky lol

 w3irdalfan21 11:19 pm
    ohh and u can tell he is always putting himself out to never cuss or anything. I'm pretty sure he's a christian guy full of morals and values
    that kinda thing turns me on ;-)
    yes yes I know
    LOL
    oh isn't devon sawa also taken?
    well grant's also a goof ball
    him and jason especially. they LOVE to play jokes on the other team members lol

 Idelise Espinosa 11:20 pm
    yeah
    damn
    i think seb is mad at me LOL

 w3irdalfan21 11:21 pm
    ohh the 1 I just saw b4 was Jason and Steve pranking Grant lol
    why? what'd u say?? lol

 Idelise Espinosa 11:21 pm
    coz i never answered him on fb when he asked me if i wanna hang out when he comes here n hes back in ny now and didnt get to see me LOL

 w3irdalfan21 11:22 pm
    Jason and Steve were out in the van looking at the monitors,and Grant was trying to adjust the cameras,and on the walkies asking how it looked. and Jason was snickering telling Steve "say right" or "no I don't undertsand u ur not making sense" coz Steve had the walkie
    and they kept messing w/Grant like that for a while LOL

 Idelise Espinosa 11:22 pm
    he ahsnt talked to me since he got back. hasnt IMed me or replied to my tweets so i stopped tweeting him
    lol

 w3irdalfan21 11:22 pm
    awww tear tear
    lol

 Idelise Espinosa 11:22 pm
    LOL
    sorry seb. apart from him creeping me out, i wouldve said no to the hang out thing anyway, nothing against him but i really couldnt hang out w/ him while i was so stressed w/ school!

 w3irdalfan21 11:23 pm
    and he's so annoying anyway lol

 Idelise Espinosa 11:23 pm
    hanging out w/ him wouldve been pointless n amde things even worse for me.
    yeah lol

 w3irdalfan21 11:23 pm
    he doesn't bother me..YET
    mainly coz I haven't personally met him yet

 Idelise Espinosa 11:24 pm
    consider urself lucky

 w3irdalfan21 11:24 pm
    only talked to him a few times on fb
    SMALL talk lol
    LOL

 Idelise Espinosa 11:24 pm
    he wasnt that annoying to me in person. its when i started to get to know him better online that he got on my nerves lol

 w3irdalfan21 11:25 pm
    wow lol
    omg I loved that 1 ep. Brian:DUDE RUN! LOL
    Jason and Grant both made fun of him for it too ROFL

 w3irdalfan21 11:27 pm
    they're not supposed to run coz it's not professional
    and ppl might lose their faith in them
    Jason called him a wuss and Grant actually threw his hands in the air and made like he was running and screaming,mocking Brian LOL
    u must watch the show
    they look for spirits,and they tend to pick on each other alot
    haha

 Idelise Espinosa 11:29 pm
    lol
    not right now
    1st im ganna finish watching the shows i started

 w3irdalfan21 11:30 pm
    I didn't say NOW

 Idelise Espinosa 11:30 pm
    i know lol

 w3irdalfan21 11:30 pm
    just that u SHOULD
    LOL

 Idelise Espinosa 11:30 pm
    im jsut saying

 w3irdalfan21 11:30 pm
    :-P

 Idelise Espinosa 11:30 pm
    i actually have a list of all the shows i need to finish :-\

 w3irdalfan21 11:30 pm
    between them picking on each other,and my HUGE crush on Grant I can't take my eyes from this show LOL

 Idelise Espinosa 11:30 pm
    right now I'm watcing Hart of Dixie. itll take a while to finish some of these shows coz a lot of em r the 1-hr long kind

 w3irdalfan21 11:31 pm
    hehe Grant is part of my comic book I'm making ;-)

 Idelise Espinosa 11:31 pm
    but those r always the ebst ones

 w3irdalfan21 11:31 pm
    I should be ashamed of myself. he's MARRIED
    oooooooo
    LOL
    wow

 Idelise Espinosa 11:32 pm
    im rying to perfect my tping skills. these typing jobs want u to be 60wpm
    im only 33. damn i shouldve payed attn in that class i ahd at leto lol.

 w3irdalfan21 11:32 pm
    r they county jobs?
    lol
    I dunno aobut u,but I had those classes at Pierce too lol
    about*

 Idelise Espinosa 11:33 pm
    i had a class where they taught u to type w/o looking at the keyboard. i wanted to swerve right thru it so i didnbt pay much attn to the program.
    some r yeah

 w3irdalfan21 11:33 pm
    lol

 Idelise Espinosa 11:33 pm
    i forgot that i always wanted to learn to type fast w/o looking at the keyboard ever since i saw So Weird. coz Fi did it and I wanted to do it lol
    i didnt get it at peirce but i got it freshman yr in hs

 w3irdalfan21 11:34 pm
    oh

 Idelise Espinosa 11:34 pm
    i got a tech class at pierce, but they didnt teach u typing

 w3irdalfan21 11:34 pm
    I remember learning typing
    as well as other things

 Idelise Espinosa 11:35 pm
    im talking about PERFECT typing, not the kinda typing we currently do lol

 Idelise Espinosa 11:36 pm
    perfect typing is placing ur fingers in the appropriate keys, not having to look down at the keyboards, and typing fast w/o making any mistakes

 w3irdalfan21 11:36 pm
    lol
    I kinda do that now
    I ay kinda,coz I still get typos sometimes

 Idelise Espinosa 11:37 pm
    not exactly. ive seen u type. u type jsut like me lol

 w3irdalfan21 11:37 pm
    but sometimes I can type perfectly w/o looking at the keys
    lol

 Idelise Espinosa 11:37 pm
    so can i

 w3irdalfan21 11:37 pm
    that's y I said KINDA
    lol

 Idelise Espinosa 11:37 pm
    but its not the same
    lol
    well in that case i "KINDA" do it too lol

 w3irdalfan21 11:37 pm
    good enough:-D

 Idelise Espinosa 11:37 pm
    lol

 w3irdalfan21 11:38 pm
    ROFL

 Idelise Espinosa 11:38 pm
    if i can get 1 of these jobs ill make good money n ill b able to stay here n finish school

 w3irdalfan21 11:38 pm
    oh

 Idelise Espinosa 11:38 pm
    i also wanna learn it for myself, not jsut for a job

 w3irdalfan21 11:39 pm
    oh
    I can't sit w/my hands over the keyboard the way ur SUPPOSED to coz it's uncomfortable for me

 Idelise Espinosa 11:41 pm
    thats coz ur not used to it. once u learn perfect typing n get used to it thats the only way ur able to type. i know this coz i got accustomed to it when i ahd the class, but since i rushed thru it i forgot stuff :-\

 w3irdalfan21 11:42 pm
    oh
    naw my wrists would get tired
    I'm making a silly comic book story
    it would be cool to be done by the time I come visit u so I can show u ^_^
    if I try to tell u what it's about it'll sound RETARDED
    LOL
    great
    my dad's ready to go home:-(

 Idelise Espinosa 11:45 pm
    damn. now i wanna watch SO weird lol

 w3irdalfan21 11:45 pm
    lol

 Idelise Espinosa 11:45 pm
    look! someone made a petition for disney to release it. im ganna sign it!
    http://www.petitionspot.com/petitions/so_weird

 w3irdalfan21 11:46 pm
    cool

 Idelise Espinosa 11:46 pm
    lol

 w3irdalfan21 11:46 pm
    my parents r rushing me ugh

 Idelise Espinosa 11:46 pm
    yyyyyyyyyy

 w3irdalfan21 11:46 pm
    it's almost midnight so they wanna go home

 Idelise Espinosa 11:46 pm
    tell him ur not ready!

 w3irdalfan21 11:46 pm
    I know I'm trying to finish watching the simpsons
    lol
    and staring at grant wilson
    I can do that anyway
    I have his pix saved:-D
    lol
    I better start getting ready to go
    sorry
    I miss having internet so much:-(

 w3irdalfan21 11:48 pm
    I atleast got to watch 2 eps of Ghost Hunters tonight ^_^

 Idelise Espinosa 11:48 pm
    nooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    u will NOT go!! >.<
    if u go, i will call u and put the ph on oscarlis butt n force him to fart!! >.<

 w3irdalfan21 11:49 pm
    LOL
    u would blow my ear drums out like that?

 Idelise Espinosa 11:49 pm
    well that would b ur punishment! >.<

 w3irdalfan21 11:49 pm
    LMAO
    I wish I had texting:-\
    texting cost less to do than calling
    I HATE limits! >.<

 Idelise Espinosa 11:50 pm
    well i will also conserve his fart in a box and send it to u priority mail!! >.<

 w3irdalfan21 11:50 pm
    riiiiiight LMAO

 Idelise Espinosa 11:50 pm
    me 2

 w3irdalfan21 11:50 pm
    y punish ME? I'M not the 1 WANTING to leave???
    LOL
    once again I say FUCK U VERIZON!!!">:o"
    >.<

 Idelise Espinosa 11:51 pm
    and when u opebn it till b a huge smelly fart from a very shitty dumbass' butt!! >.<

 w3irdalfan21 11:51 pm
    I'm addicted to the internet,and my withdrawls r getting out of control
    LOL
    it's bad enough I can't have Grant Wilson >.<
    lol

 Idelise Espinosa 11:52 pm
    heyy chaunise saw my link of the peition. she misses the show too! lol
    LOL
    well then give the box to ur dad for making u leave

 w3irdalfan21 11:53 pm
    LOL
    haha they can't tear themselves from the tv
    I can procrastinate a little more
    lol

 Idelise Espinosa 11:54 pm
    coolies ^_^
    tell them not to leave til 5am

 w3irdalfan21 11:54 pm
    oh now they're wiating on ys

 w3irdalfan21 11:54 pm
    us*
    YEAH RIGHT

 Idelise Espinosa 11:54 pm
    noh >.<

 w3irdalfan21 11:54 pm
    LOL
    ahh well I have comics to work on when I get home ^_^

 Idelise Espinosa 11:55 pm
    warn them about the fart box!!!!!!!!!! WARN THEM!!!!!! I'LL SEND IT!! DONT THINK I WONT!! >.<

 w3irdalfan21 11:55 pm
    LMAO
    girl ur crazy
    ROFL
    :-D
    damn I miss talking to u

 Idelise Espinosa 11:55 pm
    me tooo
    thx :-D

 w3irdalfan21 11:55 pm
    I will DEF plan to come see u w/Jim

 Idelise Espinosa 11:55 pm
    yay ^_^

 w3irdalfan21 11:56 pm
    he said he will call me IF I don't get back online soon so we can plan 2 see u
    LOL

 Idelise Espinosa 11:56 pm
    haha
    tell him not to forget my kitty :-D

 w3irdalfan21 11:56 pm
    *smh* man u crazy
    LOL


w3irdalfan21 11:57 pm
    I love Grant Wilson ^_^
    eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
    what a HUNK
    ;-)
    *drools on self and laptop*

 Idelise Espinosa 11:57 pm
    I love Devon Edward Sawa ^_^

 w3irdalfan21 11:57 pm
    I love Grant Steven Wilson!!8-)
    LMAO
    :-P
    if I met him in person I would have a freaking HEART ATTACK
    and it doesn't matter he's famous. even if he WASN'T if I saw such a GORGEOUS man out of nowhere like that,u have to resucitate me coz I would have a freaking heart attack

 w3irdalfan21 11:59 pm
    like OMG!! he is FINE! *hearts rips thru chest* *faints*

    ditto w/ DS :-D

 w3irdalfan21 11:59 pm
    lol
    I'd have to watch out for his wife tho. she might kick my ass
    he's HOT! he's like a MAGNENT! I'm trying to stay away but I just CAN'T
    =-O
    LOL

 Idelise Espinosa 12:00 am
    chaunise signed the petition! yay! ^_^

 w3irdalfan21 12:00 am
    lol

 Idelise Espinosa 12:00 am
    dont 4get to sign it!! im ganna try to email disney! :-D

 w3irdalfan21 12:00 am
    I may sign it later when I have more time
    damn I miss the internet

 Idelise Espinosa 12:00 am
    kk lol

 w3irdalfan21 12:00 am
    I'm a drug addict

 Idelise Espinosa 12:00 am
    i wish intenet was freeee :-D

 w3irdalfan21 12:00 am
    I mean internet addict

 w3irdalfan21 12:01 am
    yeah I think they're trying to leave

    nohhh

 w3irdalfan21 12:01 am
    sorry but I gatta go":

 Idelise Espinosa 12:01 am
    find!! tell em if they leave they should expect a gas box in the mail w/in a few days!! >.<
    fine*
    fresh gas from oscarlis ass

 w3irdalfan21 12:01 am
    my dad's such a freaking over protective NUT that  I can't just wak to starbucks whenever I want >.<

    LMAO
    girl u crack me up

 Idelise Espinosa 12:02 am
    then go to starbucks if they go home :-D

 w3irdalfan21 12:02 am
    ROFL

 Idelise Espinosa 12:02 am
    hehe :-D

 w3irdalfan21 12:02 am
    LOL

Exes can never again be JUST friends

Just when I thought I had FINALLY,leanred my lesson and stopped making
these mistakes w/guys,I turn around and make another,dumbass decision. There's a reason y certain people become ur PAST! They should prolly STAY ur past but this 1 I couldn't help. My very 1st bf from waaaaaaaay back in the 6TH GRADE-14 YEARS ago,has actually searched,ENDLESSLY for me(he told me himself),has actually found me on facebook. I, like a dumbass,instead of pretending not to recognize him or SOMETHING,accepted his friend request,and I started talking to him. Ok,so I should have never let him come back into my life. Just when I thought I'd figured out how 2 quit making retarded decisions about men, I go and do something stupid like that. WHY? I DON'T KNOW! He comes from a part of my past that I am so GLAD 2 be rid of and unfortunately for him,he's PART of that past I never wanted to see or hear from again. For some idiotic reason,I thought just talking to him online won't be such a bad thing-that is IF all we did was talk ONLINE! but noooooooooooooooooo,HE wanted to come VISIT TOO! I should have KNOWN he would try this!!! 14 years apparently,has made me forget just how OBSSESSED w/me he can be! I thought it wouldn't be any harm to just be FRIENDS again,but nooooo. 


Even after 14 years,he STILL hasn't moved on. Silly me for thinking that was long enough for him to be over his obsession. Silly me for thinking,he would be OVER me after 14 years. I'M even over the guy that I WAS IN LOVE W/ WHEN I FELL IN LOVE FOR THE 1ST TIME 9 YEARS AGO!! oh,and the HEART BREAK that came 7 YEARS,ago! COMPLETELY.OVER IT! For some reason,I thought I could just go back to being friends and find out how thing have been since the last time I saw him. Nope. U can NEVER just be friends again once u get into ANY relationship for ANY amount of time. Even when it was 14 years ago,the results r still the same. After so many short term relationships over the years and all,he thinks he's just gonna look me up,walk back into my life,and pick up where we left off. Let's see..last time I saw u,I was 11 years old!! I was in a school where I had to worry about getting jumped everyday of my life,from the bus to school itself(anywhere I walked),and even in the classrooms. I couldn't get a BREAK! everyday it was sometimes different kids and/or the SAME kids,always wanting to jump me for no reason. 


My ex was my ONLY friend in the whole school and when I found out he REALLY liked me,I was flattered. I also didn't know what to do. I was a major loose cannon back then. I was always paranoid,always jumpy,and always stressed out. When he asked me if I wanted to be his gf, I was like "uh if u want." I didn't know what to say. I didn't know if I wanted to be w/him or not. I was only 11 and just grateful that SOMEBODY in that damn school liked me;SOMEBODY wasn't interested in fighting me for a change. It wasn't so bad in the beginning. I mean,all I remember is we walked all over the school together holding hands but still pretty much hanging out like we already did b4. lolThe problem was,he slowly started to become a CREEP! He would write me little "love" notes(if u could call them that.) I can't remember what they said,but the notes soon turned into notes about wanting to undress me,and all kinds of creepy shit like that. He became possessive and OBsessive! I can't remember how long this went on for before I finally broke up w/him and when I did,he started acting like a drama queen BABY! I SERIOUSLY thought he was about to cry but u know the funny thing tho,is he cheated on me! I mean,it was no big deal,coz I was about to dump him anyway,and this gave me the PERFECT excuse to do it. ya know, in a way that wouldn't make me look so cold hearted.(oh yeah,the fact that he was so CLINGY,was another reason I wanted it to end,altho I guess that does w/the whole obsessive/possesive thing.)


 Anyway,I remember approaching him,and he was walking up TO me,holding hands w/some girl I'd never seen before. I must have had this whole SHOCKED look on my face,and I know the girl did too. I just remember that we both broke up w/him and then discovered we had a class together,so we started hanging out after that. lol of course my EX,doesn't remember ANY of this. surprise surprise. *rolls eyes* it happened 14 years ago,and he's still gonna deny it. whatever. not like I care,but I DO care that he's lying. I HATE liars! >.< Things seemed cool at 1st when he started coming over and hanging out. I had fun at 1st,but I could tell that the old him was slowly,making his way to the surface. The last time he was at my house,I was tired as HELL that day,so I didn't wanna go anywhere. We ended up watching a movie on my laptop(he is OBSSESSED w/watching movies ALL the time!),and we sat side by side on the couch. Well,he kept inching way CLOSER,to me,and then he stretched his arm around the back of the couch BEHIND me. Mind u,I was TIRED,so I wanted nothing more but to lean my head back and doze. But asshole had his ARM there,and he KNEW I was tired and prolly expected me to do JUST that! talk about a way to to "trick" me into leaning against him in 1 form or other. >.< I ended up leaning way forward,so I was nowhere near him in touching distance. this made my back hurt and made me further cranky,as I was tired enough already.


 He seems to be getting a little possessive again.The old him is coming back out in LITTLE ways,but ways that r OBVIOUS 2 me! He is not the ONLY possessive guy I've dated. I've had others SINCE him. I know the signs very well now. There was a job I put in for and hoped I would get it that week,in which case I wouldn't be home for him to come visit anyway. Well, I admit,when he asked me if I got the job-I didn't answer. Several days later,he asked me again,and this time I answerd. I told him I didn't and he asked y I didn't tell him that,we coulda hung out. That's EXACTLY y I didn't tell him. I didn't WANT 2 hang out. Also,he practically shit a brick when I told him I didn't wanna have kids. Mind u we r not married,not even so much as DATING,so does this even MATTER to him? it's really weird. he wants to have kids someday,I don't. that tells me,this guy is making some SERIOUS plans around me,after BRIEFLY coming back into my life after 14 YEARS!! I sense obsession,and I don't like it. I'm not in love w/him,never have been,and prolly never WILL be. I've tried too hard,for too long,to guard my heart,and I've FINALLY succeeded at it. HE was my 1ST mistake. 1st bf. 1st mistake. I don't WANT him,and I never will. I've already TOLD him I'm not getting into any more relationships. My last bf  burned me BAD!(metophorically speaking of course.)


I dunno how to explain this any better,I just want him out of my life again. I dunno,at the very least,I don't want 2 hang out w/him 1 on 1! I want my friends w/me next time we hang out and until that happens, I'll be making lame ass excuses to keep from hurting his tiny feelings. lol He should have thought of this b4 he went searching obsessively for me again. I couldn't wait to get away from him then,and I 'm right back to that "I can't wait to get away from him." feeling again. lol

my thoughts about atheism &liberalism

My mom found an article online of some so called, "proof" that atheists r nicer,more giving ppl,etc. than ppl who claim religion. I think that's BULL! Maybe it's just because I'm going by this based off my own experience(and how my cousin is),but I think it's a load of BULL! In my experience,in the church,around other ppl of faith,I've found that they're more open-minded,and willing to accept ppl as they are. They want to lead u to God,not judge u.

 They are so nice and always willling to lend u a helping hand when u need it,if u just ask. Now,take my cousin for instance, he's a hardcore LIBERAL,ATHEIST,and all he does is bash christians and bash republicans/conservatives tea partiers(or tea baggers,as he calls them.) He tries to tell me that liberals are more open-minded/accepting of others. Oh really? hmm,funny thing- I can talk to a conservative(and a religious person),and they won't insult me;put me down because I disagree w/them. They will,POLITELY, tell me they don't disagree w/me and explain why. They have legitimate information,and they use facts to back it up. Liberals/atheists r SO intolerant of anybody that thinks different form them,that they will insult u,outshout u,and do anything in there power to discredit u,make u look/sound bad. I mean,look what the democrat politicians do,when they run for office.

 I hear MORE about y I SHOULDN'T vote for their candidate,than y I SHOULD vote for,THEM! Every time I post something political/religious on my facebook,my  asshole cousin SPAMS THE HELL out of my page,w/comment after comment,dissing republicans,dissing christians,and even dissing ME! Oh,and for some bizarre reason,he thinks those posts,were put up to personally,insult HIM! He makes his intolerance so PAINFULLY obvious. He's 40 years old and sadly, the highlight of his life is constantly arguing w/and insulting/making accusations (to) his 25 yr old cousin(me). Not to mention,schools used to have religion in them,but thanks to the intolerant,atheists,we don't anymore. They bitched,loud and long for a really long time,until schools did away w/religion. On top of that,I've heard more than enough instances,about kids getting expelled form school, getting detentions,or any other such punishment,JUST because they took a bible to school. Ur still gonna tell me that atheists/liberals are more tolerant and understanding of ppl??? really?? I'm not so sure about just an atheist specifically,but I know liberals are only "accepting" of your opinion if it agrees w/theirs. Just remember, if you're a christian,ur a "bible thumping re-thug",and if you're in a tea party,you're a "tea bagger." Compliments of my narrow minded,thinks he knows every thing,cousin. =) This is y I can't stand him. I can't talk to him about ANYTHING! He preaches the loudest about intolerance,yet he exhibits the most intolerance.

Also,like any1 else out there,yes,there r gonna be some christians that make others look bad. Don't let those FEW,reflect the rest of us. My mom says there's an 80/20 rule. Has something to do w/for every thing ppl claim to be,there r only maybe 20% who actually are,and the other 80% are the 1's that don't practice what they preach and discredit the rest of us. Guys,I know I've heard ENDLESS complaints about this from u; u know how u complain that most women,when we get hurt,we assume ALL men are assholes and for those of u who aren't,it makes u look bad,and you're mad because "we" won't give u a chance? That's how it is for christians too. Don't let the few hypocrites in the world,make u totally against all christians. Just like what u men say to us-we're not ALL like that. Give us a chance. God is not some evil vindictive God,who will send u to hell for being gay or any of that other nonsense. He gave us all free-will,he wouldn't send u to hell for ur decisions. He's a FORGIVING,God,and MAN(as in man kind) is the 1 that takes God's word and twists it around to suit him/her.

something funny I just remembered lol

I don't think I blogged about this 1 yet,but I did mention on twitter and all that. A few weeks ago,in my english class,we had to do a "in class essay",but we had to treat it like a the final,so every1 was dead silent during the "exam." Out of nowhere,Carlos(the guy that sits right next to me),ripped the loudest fart. It was hilarious because it was just so damn quiet in there,and I was so involved in getting my essay written. I was on a role,and actually writing a good paper,had all the details,lots of ideas flowing in,etc. Then,this sudden LOUD fart,breaks the silence,yet somehow I managed to only smirk,and go back to my paper. That was until,Kenny(the guy on my other side),got this big SMIRK on his face and following that,some of my other class mates started to chuckle,at that same time,Carlos got up out of his seat,walked right up to the teacher,and apologized. It was hilarious!! He was trying to keep his voice low,but I think all of us could hear him anyway. I know I did. He was all like,"I am so sorry,Miss." and then he started cracking up and said something about being constipated,by then the whole class was laughing hysterically. Especially when our teacher then asked,"do u feel better,now?" Then we all lost it big time! LOL!! I swear I was laughing,on again,off again for HOURS after that. All day. LOL There was no WAY I could finish my essay. I lost my focus,and I couldn't stop laughing,even when every1 else did. I was laughing so hard,I put my head down to hide my face,coz I KNEW my face was bright red by then(my face always turns read when I crack up real bad like that.),and I was tearing  up.  I'm sure I looked like I was crying. lol  In fact,I kinda WAS crying...sorta. I was tearing up real bad and by the time class ended,and I found my parents,then told them about it,I SOUNDED like I WAS crying. I couldn't understand MYSELF,when I was trying to tell my parents about that. I was laughing so hard,it was making me "cry" so hard,that I sounded like I was bawling. LOL! u would have had to be there to fully understand how FUNNY that was. lol =D I dunno y he went up and said anything to the teacher anyway. If he woulda kept his mouth shut,MAYBE no1 woulda known it was HIM that cut the big 1. I did  of course,since he sits rights next to me,but maybe no1 else would've known who the culprit was. LOL

I am NOT happy about Grant leaving,Ghost Hunters

just a silly little fan girl type of rant: Grant Wilson is leaving,Ghost Hunters. BOOOOOOOOOOO! I am SO not a fan of that! I understand he was getting stressed out, tho,and not getting to see his family very often but still...I AM NOT a fan of him leaving. >.< I damn near cried when Grant announced leaving the show. I was like, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" He's my favorite paranormal investigator. =( no fair! >.<  aww man! no more eye candy when I watch the show, now. this sucks! LOL! Graaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaant! ^_^ *fan girly squeal* I have to meet him,so I can scream and piss my pants,as a friend of mine so "kindly" put it. Grant's going back to school for graphic design,as well as he's in a band called, "carpetshark". yeah,that name sounds way 2 funny 2 me. lol Grant made a tweet,explaining that,that was  a name of a childhood game he used to play,so it's kinda cute actually. The name still cracks me up a little-especially when I say it out loud. lol Oh,he's also part owner of a game board company too. That is so cool! =D maaaaaaaaan I wish I could MEEEEEEET HIM!! LOL

I'm so SICK of being jerked around!

I found out about this gate keeping job,from my mom,who found out from a friend of her's that works there. I would LOVE to do that job. All u do is check the computer to see who's supposed to be there,and if the ppl coming in are on the list,u push a button to open the gate for them. it's for this gated community-type neighborhood. surrounded by all kinds of wealthy ppl and/or ambitous ppl,at least. lol anyway,the guy I went to about the job seems nice enough,and we talked for quite a while. I thought maybe I had a chance of getting this job since I just technically had my interview,but he couldn't get signed onto the internet or something,to get the application for me. He kept "fighting" w/his login and all that,and he claimed he was gonna email or fax me the application once he got it in. Then,I never received it,so I called him again to ask,and he said he was able to get into the system now and that he would mail me the app,so I have him my address to do so. Well, days went by and still nothing in the mail for me. I went back to see him a few days after that and,low and behold,he HAD the applications,and he gave me n my mom 1. now,at the time I went to see him,there were 2 job openings,yet when I saw him last time just now,he said there was only 1 left open,and they would keep the apps on file,and if they want either of us for the job,he'll call us. wtf??!! is it just me,or is this guy jerking me around?? why must ppl W/jobs jerk around those of us that don't? is this some kinda sick game to them? do they take great pride and JOY in leading ppl on? giving them false hope? damn! >.< And then,there's the OTHER places w/all their stupid "Now Hiring",signs which is yet,ANOTHER cruel joke! u put in ur application,and u never hear from them. then the other cruel irony is,"oh we're not hiring,but we're accepting applications incase something DOES open up." OH COME ON! y do u even BOTHER then? we BOTH know that,even IF something DOES come available,ur not gonna call me and let me know. CUT THE CRAP! either ur hiring or ur not! if ur NOT,then don't lead ppl to believe u r! don't advertise a job that ISN'T there! I'm surprised in this economy,there aren't more riots against assholes like these people. This crap has gotten so bad,I'm tempted to rob a damn bank,just so I won't have to do w/o anymore. Well fine,if I can earn money the RIGHT way,then maybe I should steal it. dammit I'm so SICK of FLORIDA! I wanna leave,and go to where the JOBS are! I know SOME states have a GREAT economy. Too bad I can't afford to move to 1 of THOSE states! >.<  I don't even know somebody that I could stay w/while I found a job and got my own place. =( I would love to go to Rhode Island or maybe New Hampshire,but I don't think either of those states are states w/a great economy. lol