I FINALLY managed it....

I deleted both my facebook and twitter accounts. I'm shutting myself off from every1,and I don't CARE! I'm SICK of caring! the more I care,the more PAIN is inflicted on me..so fucking what? I'm fighting w/every1 at once!! my "friends", my family,my coworkers...so what??? and course my "lovely" father and uncle just talk shit about me..yeah. try to get me to do something when I'm upset! IDIOT! maybe Rob was onto something w/the suicidal thing..people SUCK,and I've had enough of EVERYTHING!!!! >.<  I actually just want to DIE right now. seriously..no I'm not gonna commit suicide...I don't have the courage to do that. run away? I don't know..where would I go? everybody hates me. I'm just the worst person every1 has to deal w/..and they're all soooo "innocent", right? so I finally pushed every1 away..I need that. I need to be alone. that's where I end up anyway,so y not? sounds good to me. I don't think I'm even gonna go to church tomorrow..I'm just not up to it. I haven't been THIS upset since Rob died. I'm still upset about that too. he was the only 1 who understood me. I miss him terribly..but then again..the way I've been lately, I might have just lost him the OTHER way..him walking out of my life too..then I would die inside.  =,( yet he also knew how to make me feel better-which nobody else can do. what causes these mental attacks? y am I having them so FEROCIOUSLY?? I hate my fucking life,and I hate feeling so out of control w/NO solution to my problems..