Look at that girl. Just look at her well. She is now able to smile on the outside,but if u took a look on the inside, u would see a broken heart just barely beating. Her heart is still shattered to pieces. She once found true love,but death kidnapped her soul mate. It's been months,and tho she no longer cries on the outside, her soul still wails w/ agony. Her heart which once throbbed w/love for the man of her dreams now hurts like hell from the hole that was shot thru it; the piece of her heart that's no longer there; the piece that died w/her 1 true love. That hole can never be filled. It can only heal a little bit,but like w/any scab, it can be ripped away, leaving her feeling raw and in wretched pain all over again. Grief is a bitch. It's unlike any form of depression or misery the world can throw at u. It's a pain that NEVER goes away. Look at that girl..she was so happy,but now she is in sorrow.
Sobbing so much: rather outward or just inward..the tears never really stop. The sadness never really goes away. She misses her best friend; her 1 true love. Tears trickle down her face,and sometimes all the way down deep into her heart and soul. There's a reason it's called "SOUL mates" because when ur soul mate dies, u feel like part of ur soul has been ripped in 2,and the pain continues to haunt her for all her days. Look at that girl. Can't u see she's forever broken hearted? Other guys desire her,but none of them compare to her 1 true love. She doesn't know how-doesn't WANT to another guy. She wants HIM,and ONLY HIM. Only HE had what she desired. only HE had that special something that made her crazy; made her happy. She gets through life just fine most days,but there is never 1 day that he's NOT on her mind; there is never 1 day that she doesn't miss him.
She misses his voice,his laughter,his smile,his hugs,his kisses,the way he looked at her,the way he protected her,the way he made her laugh; smile like no one else could. He was special; he was the ONE! Now he's gone,and she spends her days trying to put back the pieces her shattered heart. It's so difficult because she's got the worst kind of a broken heart-not the kind from a guy dumping u, or treating u bad..no. that would be too easy.. her shattered heart is aided and abedded by grief..grief that comes from the loss of a life...the life of a soulmate.
Monday, February 24, 2014
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
I still miss u....
There is a site called, "Grief By Notes" for ppl to write some type of letter to their deceased loves ones,but I think I'd rather do that on my own personal blogger page.
I know it's been 8 months now,and my birthday is a week away. I really wanted to spend a birthday w/u this yr. of course, I wanted to do the same for UR bday,but u died before both mine and your's. =( Baby, I have been getting better. I still miss you like CRAZY,but I am slowly learning to live w/o u(even tho I HATE that).1 thing ur death has done is really made me question my faith. It has made me wanna die,but it also makes me feel depressed that I might just cease to exist and that u may have too. I also makes me fear what if i go to hell? What IS the right way to get into heaven? Is it really JUST accepting salvation? if u "accept" it, can u REALLY "accept" it when u have little to no faith? I don't know WHAT I can believe in anymore. I have as many trust issues as u did. It's like u left that part of u behind w/me when passed. I think it would be really cool(and a little creepy at the same time) if it turned out u were in here right now reading this over my shoulder...but I know better than to believe that. =(
Also..IF by some chance u "can" read this, I just want u to know, I FINALLY saw a pic of ur kids,and they r soooooooooooooo cute!!! ^_^ of course, I EXPECTED that. I mean..look at U! enough said. ;) damn good genes. =D they LOOK like their FATHER, so OF COURSE they are ADORABLE!!! ^_^ u told me ur older son looks just like u; u kinda implied ur younger 1 doesn't,but I've seen many diff pics; past and resent. ur oldest 1 looks EXACTLY like u in some of his pics,but the 1 he has on his facebook..not as much. ur younger son looks MORE like u than the older 1. Especially when he smiles. He's got ur smile!!! ^_^ I saw his pic from when he was little..he and his brother standing there w/u,and he def had ur smile even then. he STILL has UR smile.
I've seen his other facial expressions too,and he DEF reminds me of U. so I would say he really IS ur son.(haha there was once some question that I remember.) lol. By the way..all that teasing u did about my "addiction" to the internet..ur KIDS, AND ur SISTERS use facebook..which means the INTERNET. hahahaha. ur the only 1 living in the stone age, my love. LOL actually,ur not LIVING anywhere now. =( I miss u so much. I SWEAR I got to find out who ur "true friends" are after u died. u were right about Brain being a douche. He tried to tell me he "missed" u too,and that u were his "buddy." he wasn't very convincing at all. he also acts "nice" to my face but behind my back I'm understanding he's talking shit about me. just like he did U. "Great friend" u have there. even Mike talked to me ONCE about u. yeah..they're drug addicts anyway. I don't think they fully GRASP that ur DEAD. don't think they care either. I feel like I'm the only 1 who actually MISSES u. =( besides ur family of course. I know ur son misses u. he has that pic of u w/both boys up as his display pic on facebook. Oh..and remember when I said, I needed a new phone and wanted a smart phone? I FINALLY got it! only, I no longer have U to text w/anymore. =( fortunately, thank u LORD, I managed to save all our old texts before my ph finally screwed up for good on me. =D lol
I've STILL been hassling Ed as usual,and it's as much FUN as it's EVER been! haha. he made the mistake of making a facebook and then friending me. Now I CAN REALLY hassle him! this rocks!!! I wish u could see the things we post on there back and forth to each other. it's sooooo funny. =D I seriously hate Sam's now. It's like u said..that place SUCKS! it especially sucks since now that ur gone..all the douchebags r coming out of the works like cockroaches,and coming after me. they're taking advantage of ur death,and see me as a "scrap of meat". it pisses me off. U always RESPECTED me,and that was a HUGE reason I fell for u to begin w/. Now I'm stuck w/sorry pieces of shit to "choose from" instead of u. =( I've got this creepy mexican guy who stalks me. he's ALWAYS in there,and all he ever does is go in and eat and leave. Plus...he LOOKS for me,so he can "flirt" w/me. I wish u were still here to get up in his face; tell him to leave ur girlfriend alone. >.< I will probably leave that job soon,so I can escape and not have 2 deal w/these embeciles anymore. =/ lol. Anyway, I love u so much, Babe. I pray u are alive somewhere(heaven hopefully),and ur not enduring even MORE torment than u had in life. I miss u. Have fun w/the angels...if u are indeed there and not "sleeping" in ur grave for all eternity. =(
I know it's been 8 months now,and my birthday is a week away. I really wanted to spend a birthday w/u this yr. of course, I wanted to do the same for UR bday,but u died before both mine and your's. =( Baby, I have been getting better. I still miss you like CRAZY,but I am slowly learning to live w/o u(even tho I HATE that).1 thing ur death has done is really made me question my faith. It has made me wanna die,but it also makes me feel depressed that I might just cease to exist and that u may have too. I also makes me fear what if i go to hell? What IS the right way to get into heaven? Is it really JUST accepting salvation? if u "accept" it, can u REALLY "accept" it when u have little to no faith? I don't know WHAT I can believe in anymore. I have as many trust issues as u did. It's like u left that part of u behind w/me when passed. I think it would be really cool(and a little creepy at the same time) if it turned out u were in here right now reading this over my shoulder...but I know better than to believe that. =(
Also..IF by some chance u "can" read this, I just want u to know, I FINALLY saw a pic of ur kids,and they r soooooooooooooo cute!!! ^_^ of course, I EXPECTED that. I mean..look at U! enough said. ;) damn good genes. =D they LOOK like their FATHER, so OF COURSE they are ADORABLE!!! ^_^ u told me ur older son looks just like u; u kinda implied ur younger 1 doesn't,but I've seen many diff pics; past and resent. ur oldest 1 looks EXACTLY like u in some of his pics,but the 1 he has on his facebook..not as much. ur younger son looks MORE like u than the older 1. Especially when he smiles. He's got ur smile!!! ^_^ I saw his pic from when he was little..he and his brother standing there w/u,and he def had ur smile even then. he STILL has UR smile.
I've seen his other facial expressions too,and he DEF reminds me of U. so I would say he really IS ur son.(haha there was once some question that I remember.) lol. By the way..all that teasing u did about my "addiction" to the internet..ur KIDS, AND ur SISTERS use facebook..which means the INTERNET. hahahaha. ur the only 1 living in the stone age, my love. LOL actually,ur not LIVING anywhere now. =( I miss u so much. I SWEAR I got to find out who ur "true friends" are after u died. u were right about Brain being a douche. He tried to tell me he "missed" u too,and that u were his "buddy." he wasn't very convincing at all. he also acts "nice" to my face but behind my back I'm understanding he's talking shit about me. just like he did U. "Great friend" u have there. even Mike talked to me ONCE about u. yeah..they're drug addicts anyway. I don't think they fully GRASP that ur DEAD. don't think they care either. I feel like I'm the only 1 who actually MISSES u. =( besides ur family of course. I know ur son misses u. he has that pic of u w/both boys up as his display pic on facebook. Oh..and remember when I said, I needed a new phone and wanted a smart phone? I FINALLY got it! only, I no longer have U to text w/anymore. =( fortunately, thank u LORD, I managed to save all our old texts before my ph finally screwed up for good on me. =D lol
I've STILL been hassling Ed as usual,and it's as much FUN as it's EVER been! haha. he made the mistake of making a facebook and then friending me. Now I CAN REALLY hassle him! this rocks!!! I wish u could see the things we post on there back and forth to each other. it's sooooo funny. =D I seriously hate Sam's now. It's like u said..that place SUCKS! it especially sucks since now that ur gone..all the douchebags r coming out of the works like cockroaches,and coming after me. they're taking advantage of ur death,and see me as a "scrap of meat". it pisses me off. U always RESPECTED me,and that was a HUGE reason I fell for u to begin w/. Now I'm stuck w/sorry pieces of shit to "choose from" instead of u. =( I've got this creepy mexican guy who stalks me. he's ALWAYS in there,and all he ever does is go in and eat and leave. Plus...he LOOKS for me,so he can "flirt" w/me. I wish u were still here to get up in his face; tell him to leave ur girlfriend alone. >.< I will probably leave that job soon,so I can escape and not have 2 deal w/these embeciles anymore. =/ lol. Anyway, I love u so much, Babe. I pray u are alive somewhere(heaven hopefully),and ur not enduring even MORE torment than u had in life. I miss u. Have fun w/the angels...if u are indeed there and not "sleeping" in ur grave for all eternity. =(
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