creepy dream alert!!!!

I just had a 28 days later related dream. In my dream: I was in my room,I happened to look down and see Idelise's iphone on my floor. I found it odd that she left it there. I know there is no way in hell she would forget or leave behind her CELL PH,especially her IPHONE! I think I looked out my window and noticed there was NO1 around...I didn't even see cars. It was TOO empty to be normal. I walked out of my room calling my parents names. I saw my dad sitting in a chair just a few feet in front of me,yet his face was kinda hidden in the shadows. He didn't move or speak at all. I saw my mom in the dining room, by the table,turned slightly around looking at me. Not as if listening but as if waiting on me to dare move before she pounced. I still said, "Mom? Dad?" but they just both looked at me w/o no response,and I had a very bad feeling about them,so I left. When I got outside,I grabbed my bike,fully intending n leaving w/it. We suddenly had a fenced in yard,and I jumped on my bike riding up to the gate. I intended to open the gate and just ride right on out but for some reason,the gate was locked! It had a chain and padlock on it,so I somehow got the bike to stay balanced long enough,I stood up on it,and jumped over the fence. As soon as I was out in the street suddenly "people" started showing up. ZOMBIES if u will. I had some1 try to come after me,but I jumped into the air in my "flying" motion and out of their reach. Then a few more ppl started spilling onto the streets. I just kept myself flying but like in all my dreams like this,if I don't keep my arms flapping every second,I end up falling back to the ground,so I flew and found  some really tall electric poles and transformers if u will. Mind u,they were REALLY high up. Like a bird,I flew up to those and rested on the top of them to stay out of reach of the zombies,but more of them were coming,and I didn't know well they could climb or anything. I couldn't help noticing there were MORE telephone poles, all in a row. TONS of em. and like a water tower,they had stairs leading around them that went way up. As far as I could see,this was my only option,so I started climbing these stairs(which thankfully,were lit up). I happened to look down,see a red car pull up on the road beside the tower I was climbing(I was already several feet UP from the ground by then,and I saw what looked like Eric or Martin(my coworkers) in electronics, look up to me and call out, "GET IN!" I thought I might be saved, like maybe there were other survivors like me after all,but by the time I got to the ground,something didn't seem right. He suddenly had his head turned AWAY from me like he was getting something and there was no way in HELL I was getting in that car until I was CERTAIN. I said,, "Look at me!" He turned to look,and his eyes were RED like he was stoned or something,and his skin was starting to take on the same palish tone as a zombie,so I said, "Hell no." and I backed off and ran right back to my tower and started climbing it. When I looked,I saw I was passing landings that were right outside the stairs. like floors going up,and the only thing separating me from the landings was the railing. As I looked,I saw there were CARS up there. They didn't look like they had crashed up there,but there were cars sorta parked up there,and I saw ppl in them. Dead or sleeping ppl(most likely dead) that magically "awoke" when I walked by,and they were zombies waiting to get out and attack. I'd say the most disturbing was 1 of the cars had a man and 2 little kids in the car. 1 little kid was in the back seat and the other up front. The little 1 up front was no more than a 1 or 2 yrs old,and was "sleeping" or "dead" then he suddenly turns his head towards me(the father and other little kid do at the same time as well),and thru the closed window, looks me dead in the eye w/red eyes and hisses like a snake. In fact,every car full of dead ppl I pass,it goes like that. They "wake up" look at me red eyes,and hiss. I climbed floor after floor at 1st and this hapened everywhere. Finally I decided to look up above me to how many floors were left and saw the very top floor had even MORE zombies right above me,just waiting for me to get up there. I finally started fleeing back down stairs again. Actually, I think I jumped off the balcony somewhere and started to "fly" away again. Man that was creepy! lol

I haven't done 1 of these in AGES!

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name: Kat
Birthday: February 18
Birthplace: Tampa, Florida
Current Location: Sarasota, Florida
Eye Color: blue
Hair Color: Blonde and brown mix =)
Height: short =D lol
Right Handed or Left Handed: Right
Your Heritage:irish,italian,german and whatever else is in my gene pool, lol.
The Shoes You Wore Today: shapeups =)
Your Fears: failure. my very fears keeping me forever from the man I love.
Your Perfect Pizza: I'm not sure coz I like pizza in general. It can have almost anything on it, lol.
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Get my license,get my dental work done,work up the nerve to tell Rob how I feel or at least,get to hang out w/him outside of work more often. =) I'm sure there r others,I just haven't thought of em yet. lol
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: nothing anymore. I don't really IM anymore. =/
Thoughts First Waking Up: Rob! I am ALWAYS thinking about him. ^_^ lol
Your Best Physical Feature: my hair-especially when I let it down..boy do the guys at work go NUTS when I do that. lol
Your Bedtime: Usually 2 or 3 in the morning..sometimes 4.
Your Most Missed Memory: It's hard to pick 1. I have quite a few favorites, lol. 1 of em is when my old manager was still at our store. Maaaaaaan did I EVER have fun picking on him. XD lol
Pepsi or Coke: lately, I've been liking the coke more which is weird because I used to like pepsi more.
MacDonalds or Burger King:  I hardly every go to either of them anymore.
Single or Group Dates: I wanna double date,but I wanna go w/my best friend and her boyfriend. lol I like single AND group dates.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: lipton I guess.
Chocolate or Vanilla: both! =D
Cappuccino or Coffee: either will do but capuccions R better =)
Do you Smoke: nope. but my love sure does. I wonder if I can convince him to quit..hmmm? lol
Do you Swear: who? me? HELL NO! lol
Do you Sing: sometimes.
Do you Shower Daily: what's it TO u?? writing a book?? freaking stalker! lol
Have you Been in Love: YES! soooo many times,and I am again NOW! I think I got it RIGHT this time! He is AAAAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZING! ^_^
Do you want to go to College: I'm in college NOW! Going for film baby! I love that kinda crap! =D lol
Do you want to get Married: I guess eventually. Can I just have a guy that will take things REALLLLY SLLLOOOOOW w/me? please? lol
Do you belive in yourself: yes and no lol
Do you get Motion Sickness: so far not yet. lol
Do you think you are Attractive: ask the guys ;) =D
Are you a Health Freak: def not! why do u think I can't lose weight? lol
Do you get along with your Parents: most of the time. lol
Do you like Thunderstorms: CHYEAH! I love em! ^_^
Do you play an Instrument: Nope
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: nope
In the past month have you Smoked: def not
In the past month have you been on Drugs: no freakin way man!
In the past month have you gone on a Date: nope. I hope I get to soon tho w/my sweet heart from work. ;) =D
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: yep
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: not a box,but I did get a little package of em from the vending machine at work a few times. lol
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: I've never had it
In the past month have you been on Stage: not even in the past YEAR. lol
In the past month have you been Dumped: nope.
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: no way lol
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: No
Ever been Drunk: yep,and I don't even drink. It's called being in love. It's almost as bad if not worse than actual dirnking. LOL
Ever been called a Tease: uhh not that I recall.
Ever been Beaten up: not entirely. I've had a black eye from some asshole in 5th grade,but other than that not really.
Ever Shoplifted: nope
How do you want to Die: hopefully in my sleep when I'm over 100 years old,and I slip so fast I never see it coming.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: Can't pinpoint the EXACT thing,but I wanna do something in film. Film editor,camera operator,producer,etc. SOMETHING along those lines. lol
What country would you most like to Visit: England, Ireland,Italy,France..that pretty much sums it up.
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: brown. =)
Favourite Hair Color: black or brown.
Short or Long Hair: either
Height: as long as he's at least a good 2-3 inches taller than me,I'm fine. lol
Weight: I guess it doesn't matter. I normally like skinny guys,but the guy I'm falling for is kinda chubby,but so am I,so who cares? lol
Best Clothing Style: whatever fits his personality I guess. I dunno. lol
Number of Drugs I have taken: 0
Number of CDs I own: don't really do cds anymore.
Number of Piercings: 1 in each ear and that's all I want
Number of Tattoos: I don't have any,but my sweetie does,and they look good on him. =) lol
Number of things in my Past I Regret: At times I regret these things,but I also wouldn't be as smart as I am now if it weren't for the regrets. lol

thoughts...

this is EXACTLY why I hate being in love! it truly IS an emotional misery! 1 of the things involved w/being in love is JEALOUSY! I hate that I even felt that way earlier today. I only just realized how USED to be the ONLY woman I am. I am the only woman in maintenance(besides Lynn who's older ,and I don't see much of her anyway),and I was also the only woman who got 1 on 1 time w/Rob. I never realized it before jealousy reared its ugly head again. =(  I've seen him talk to this girl from the deli before,but he doesn't usualy stand there talking to her ENDLESSLY;asking her if she's ok and shit like that. It was a lot like how it is when WE talk. I don't get to talk to him much since assholes watch us,and we always have to be careful about socializing n such. ALL I wanted to do was let him know I was gonna go to lunch! that was it!! yet I got REALLY irritated when that damn GIRL stood there TALKING to him NONSTOP. HOGGING his attention. I'm ashamed to say I really wanted to gouge her eyes out. I ashamed to say I grumbled under my breathe a few times. things like, "he's MINE, bitch. back off." I laughed at myself coz I realized how ridiculous I was being,but I knew I wasn't entirely kidding. I felt like an angry dog baring my teeth.

 I've seen him talk to her MANY times before w/o feeling so jealous. What was so different about today?? WHY did I feel so JEALOUS??? Maybe because I've been getting him to myself for a WHILE now,something I haven't had before but recently have been getting. I've been getting so used to it. I've been getting used to having him myself and also,when he DOES talk to other ppl BESIDES me,it's usually other GUYS, or ppl he BRIEFLY talks to because it's related to work. I only just realized how much I was used to that. I'm not used to having to share him w/any1 else...ESPECIALLY not another FEMALE!!! >.< the last girl he talked to that often was some1 we r BOTH friends w/,and she's a lesbian anyway. I KNOW she's not competition, PLUS she wanted ME to be w/him anyway. She was 1 of the ppl who thought me and him would make a cute couple. I wish I didn't feel so jealous, so threatened. I feel like I have competition,and I hope I don't. I hope this 1 of those times that it's all in my mind.

Maybe if he was ALREADY mine, I wouldn't feel so jealous,but DAMN did I have to fight some urges.  I had to stare at the floor or something,so I wouldn't end up GLARING at her! lol I know if I were to tell this story to Samantha or ESPECIALLY Charity,she'd be all like, "0_o this is WHY I TOLD u to TELL him how u feel!" Charity especially would run w/this. lol I think maybe the only reason she hasn't been bugging me about confessing my feelings lately is because it's been way too busy w/the holidays n such. lol I'm praying so much that I pass my driving test,so I can get my license. I wanna start hanging out w/Rob sooooooooooo bad! He pretty much just told me he doesn't have much of a life. When I teased him about running away,he told me he wasn't running away anywhere; that he's only in 3 places: work,home,or...didn't catch what the 3rd 1 was he mentioned, lol. I am DEF taking advantage of this when I have my license. I can't wait to start hanging w/him. Maybe, away from the pressures of work and time and other ppl basically,I may finally confess my undying love to him. maybe. not making any promises. I might still chicken out. lol

self conflict

As her feelings grow stronger and times goes on longer, her friends tell her she should tell him.
She should tell him how she feels. She should profess her undying love-
an undying love that grows stronger by leaps and bounds w/each passing second,but she still cannot.
Why is this so hard? Why does she find it so DIFFICULT to tell him how she feels? to even say she's only having a crush is more than she can bear.
Last time she confessed her feelings for another,she ended up regretting it in the end. Oh how things went so wrong.
She is desperate to keep history from repeating itself w/some1 else, but maybe HE is the 1.
She is just so afraid.
She fears getting hurt again.
This kind of thing never works out for her.
Doesn't matter how much time passes or if the guy is different.
Nothing matters because time after time again love continues to let her down.
Tear her down to nothingness; reduce her to tears..to heartache,sorrow,and regret.
She would rather have him as her best friend than not have him at all,so she suffers in silence like she always does when she's deep in love.
She wants to tell him.
She thinks she may have a chance w/him,but she is just so scared.
What is she scared of?
So much.
She can't even begin to describe the nightmares that run thru her mind.
The things that always happen when she dares to trust another.
The heartache.
The stress,the obstacles she always has to get him. To keep him.
The fears.
The anxieties.
The negative emotions that r just as strong as her feelings for him.
She's always having a self battle w/herself.
She wants him,but she wants to stay single.
She's terrified,yet she knows her heart will break far worse than in the past if she lets him go.
She could never forgive herself for letting her fear stand in the way of her happiness.
But she has this self battle; this self conflict w/herself: 1 side of her brain tells her to get the man she loves while, the other side tells her to avoid love at all costs because love comes at a price she does not wish to pay.
She is so confused as to what to do.
She is so miserable.
Being in love SUCKS,and she would reverse it if she could.

I had the sweetest/funniest dream about my sweetie ^_^ ♥

I had the SWEETEST dream-the kind that would make u say, "awwww"! ^_^. In my dream,I was at work in the break room,and I was w/Rob! ^_^ he had his arms around me the WHOLE time! he was standing behind me w/his arms wrapped around me,and I was teasing another coworker of ours at the same time. I kept making jokes,giving the other guy a hard time. All the while, Rob kept holding me so close to him. It was sweet! Rather I sat down,got up,walked around,didn't matter. He stayed w/me. Holding me while I teased our coworker. As usual,I made Rob laugh just as hard as I was laughing,and the whole time he held me tight and even nuzzled his face into my neck a few times,kissed me on the cheek sometimes,etc. It was so sweet! He was actually MINE! ^_^ ♥

what do u do when ur in love but can't be in a relationship?

What's a girl supposed to do when she falls deep in love but knows she cannot be in a relationship?
How does a girl deal w/her feelings for a guy when she knows she cannot tell him?
What does she do when she is terrified of sex which is linked to her fear of pregnancy?
She knows she cannot have an abstinent relationship,but she is so madly; so DEEPLY in love w/this man, it's crushing her.
Her feelings grow stronger everyday; by leaps and bounds every second of the day, yet
she is terrified of having sex and knows that she will one day, have to have it in order to have the guy.
It isn't fair.
She wants to stay away from relationships because of this,but she is just too deep in love to avoid it.
Her fear has a death grip on her.
She knows of the consequences sex brings,and knows that she does not want it.
She also knows that a man she does not give it up to,will not stick around.
She is frustrated and ready to cry; ready to scream.
She has come so close to getting her guy.
She can tell he likes her too(she thinks),but she is even more sure that he will not put up w/her being the way she is.
She's so deep in love, it hurts.
But her fear is so strong, and that ALSO hurts.
She wonders if she will have to let him go to keep from going through the same stress and heartache she went through w/another.
But the thought of not having him breaks her heart into a million pieces, yet
the thought of having sex scares the living daylights out of her.
What is wrong w/her?
She knows why she does not want it, yet
is it NORMAL to feel this strongly about it?
Is it NORMAL to be FEARFUL of the act in question?
She beats her head against the wall; she has constant self conflict.
She does not tell him she loves him not out of shyness,
nore out of fear of rejection,
but out of fear she'll have to lie down to get him and keep him.
It makes her so scared.
like having to relive the same nightmare as last time only with a different guy.
She's frustrated.
She's depressed.
She wants to hang onto her virginity,but
she also wants her 1 true love.
It isn't FAIR!
The constant self battles of having to choose:
her virginity or her 1 true love.
Why can't she have both??
Because this is the real world. that's y! she KNOWS she cannot have things her way.
This is not a fairy tale!
This is real life.
HER real life.
She knows she will be forced to leave her comfort zone, or risk losing a wonderful guy.
It isn't fair.
She just wants to scream.
She just wants to cry.
She just wants to die,so it won't even be an issue.
Why can't this be..maybe not easy,but painless?

yesterday SUCKED! usually,I get to talk to Rob; he looks happy to see me when I come in, etc etc. but yesterday he was pissed at me. =( I knew he and another coworker got into an argument on my day off,but what I didn't know was that said coworker told Rob "I felt the same way." which made Rob think I secretly had a problem w/him and backstabbing him too. That wasn't FAIR! this guy is AMAZING! he has always defended me; had my back. why the HELL would I do ANYTHING to him like that? behind his back or otherwise?? I found a GREAT guy,and I'll be DAMNED if I screw THAT up!! HELL NO! He started off telling me we need to talk and then started telling me what happened and what was said. OF COURSE it was busy yesterday,and OF COURSE when I desperately need to tell my side of a story, we both get called to do other things,so I don't get to explain SHIT to him! The next few times I saw him,he just ignored me;gave the cold shoulder. =( I'm the type of person who takes a WHILE to react.

I was calm at the time and could have said what I needed to and be fine coz I hadn't had time for it to SINK IN yet. But, I was covering a break at the door for so long and despite how busy it was, I still had time to THINK. and stew over it. by the time I got away,and saw Rob again,he was cold shouldering me,and by that time I was starting to get really upset,and KNEW I couldn't talk to him just yet. I was getting to where I was gonna start bawling any second,so I knew I had to wait. I went to my break,let my hair down,pretended to sleep,and had myself a good little cry. I can't believe how LITTLE and how QUICKLY one's heart can be broken. I needed to get that out of my system as much as possible. I was already starting to miss him. I HATED having him mad at me because of something some1 ELSE told him!  I hated how this had time to EAT AWAY at me before I could finally talk to him coz the more it gnawed at me,the more upset I got.

I needed o be calm/rational before talking to him,and I know I can't if I'm upset. I was changing the trash and while I was trying to put a new bag in *2* people came up and THREW their trash in their! >.< It pissed me the HELL off!!! Sherry was over there,so I vented to her about stupid people are. Then I started bitching how I wish ppl would stop trying to drive a wedge between me n Rob. I told her he was mad at me over something some1 else told him. I wanted to talk to him MYSELF,but I was having a HELL of a hard time getting around to it-literally,so she told me she would talk to him for me if she saw him. I love her so much. She's the sweetest person ever,and I know she likes both of..and I'm pretty sure she wants us to be together. ^_^
The funny thing is, I had finally gotten over being depressed,and started getting PISSED instead..and determined...I was finally ready to talk to him,and I saw him heading away from where I was walking,but it was soooo crowded, it took me a while to catch up to where he was going. By the time I found him,I noticed the aisle he went down, was also the aisle Sherry had her demo in,and I saw her turn around and kinda follow Rob.  Ohh, perfect timing. I was FINALLY ready to talk to him and at the SAME TIME, that's when Sherry found him. She must have quickly said what she needed to say to him coz when I was finally in hearing shot of them, I heard her tell him, "she loves talking to u." aww! I remember when she told me the same thing about him. ^_^ That was like her concluding sentence,and she walked back to her little stand. Anyway, I'm happy to report we got it resolved,and he's still mad at our other coworker,but at least he's talking to me again. This didn't go on ALL day,but maaaan did I hate even the little bit of time he was like that. It's odd how I don't give a SHIT if some1 ELSE is mad at me,but it KILLS me when HE'S mad at me. I wanna talk to him all the time! I don't care what about or for how long,I just wanna be w/HIM! period. I've  noticed quite a few of our coworkers seem to wanna rip us apart tho. I mean, y the HELL would Ed tell him something like that? is he TRYING to kill the bond me n Rob have? I gatta wonder. I mean, 1st we were practically coached for talking to each other,and now this. When will it END?? I feel like Romeo and Juliet even tho we're not a couple or anything but like them, even our very FRIENDSHIP is practically forbidden. =(

woooooow!

ok it WEIRDS me OUT when I dream like that! a double dream,AND the dream copying my EXACT surroundings!! =0 I dozed off w/the light still on,laptop on my bed opened to a pic of my sweetie,and my dreamed copied that! I had a dream about being at work cleaning the restroom,and I didn't hear WHAT was said,but I heard 1 of the managers ask Rob about his coworker or something and then, I heard Rob reply w/something like, "yes,and a BEAUTIFUL coworker." I remember just standing there going, "awww." I can't remember what he was saying,but he kept going on about how beautiful I was and sounding all lovely dovey. I was in awe, AND I was starting to feel a little nervous because I thought he might confront me in person. I think maybe Charity or somebody told him my feelings because that was what was making me most nervous.

I was thinking, "Oh great. he knows. my secret's out." Now in REALITY, Charity told me she was gonna tell Rob how I feel if I didn't,and I remembered this while dreaming,and was being half silly,half scared when I muttered to myself, "Omg, she told him didn't she? I'm gonna kill her. she fucking told him." I was getting real nervous in this dream. lol then I thought I "woke up",and rolled over, looked at my laptop which has a pic of Rob in his employee of the month photo, wearing a gray shirt and his blue vest. the pic wouldn't come out right no matter HOW many times I tried,but in the dream,the pic wasn't blurry at all,and he was wearing a red shirt. no vest! and not employee of the month,yet he was standing in the same pose and not QUITE wearing the same smile as he is in the pic for real. I remember looking at the pic w/the strange look on my face because I knew that wasn't how the pic really looked,but it turned out I wasn't awake at all. I dunno how I could tell,but I started yelling at myself to wake up,but I couldn't. I started to feel something MOVE on me and when I looked down,I saw it was either my pillow or a yellow vest( like what some of my coworkers wear),and it creeped me ,so I yanked it off and threw it on the floor,then it kinda jumped back up and lurched itself right at me! it creeped me out,so I walked out of my room to get away from it,looked around the living room and all...then the dream ended, lol.

another 1; where do I GET these? lol

can't u tell that girl is in LOVE w/u? look at the way she looks at u! no matter how ROTTEN a mood she is in,she cannot help but smile when u walk in the room. have u noticed how hard she tries to make u smile; to make u LAUGH even when she's feeling depressed or angry? have u not noticed her body language when she sees U in a bad mood? all she wants to do is hold u until u feel better. do u not see how much she is DYING to talk to? even  when u know the 2 of u shouldn't speak,she doesn't CARE! 
she talks to u anyway! even if she can't think of anything to talk about,and all that comes out of her mouth is nonsense. she does not CARE how stupid she sounds coz at least she is talking to u instead of being shy and keeping quiet. have u not noticed how blown up ur inbox gets from all the random texts she sends u, even if u had just seen her earlier that day? she texts u anyway! she's always asking u how u r and listening! even if she only hears half of what u say or hears wrong,or forgets sometimes because she is being dingy,she still listens; she still hears u. 
ur voice echos in her head,even after u r long gone. she cannot stop thinking about u. no matter what she is doing,who she's w/,or how much fun she's having, she always wishes u were right there w/her. she's been hurt before and betrayed. she has trust and anger issues a mile long. 
She is AFRAID to be in a relationship again,but her love for u is so strong she's starting to surrender; she may reconsider the whole idea of being someone's girlfriend again..especially if that someone is YOU! she loves talking to u! she has told u she loves talking to u,and u have told her the same,but she MEANS it! she may sometimes avoid u,but it is only because she feels like she HAS to! she tries to give u ur space and not appear stalker-ish! she does not wish to get either of u in trouble during work again either,but she hates it. she HATES not talking to u! all her "ignoring u" KILLS her inside. she feels like she killing a piece of herself; like she is having to destroy what makes her happy! 
U make her happy! don't u see that?? she can't get enough of u! it seems like u like her too,so why don't u tell her? help her out a little;meet her halfway. don't deprive her of u. her feelings r STRANGLING her,and she can't get any relief. just hold her once in a while. hold her hand. hug her. kiss her once in a while. these are all things she wants. make plans to hang out together away from work. neither of u have licenses,but they say love always finds a way. MAKE it work! Don't let the haters keep u from her. She loves u,and it appears u love her too. Forget about the rest,it's only about u and her, ur happiness. 

this is NOT Romeo and Juliet,so y must their love be forbidden?

this girl is feeling teary-eyed.
she feels like she has only one choice: give up talking to her 1 true love,or risk losing her job...
it's so unfair..
she found her happiness,so y must she be forced to give it up?
love never hurt so bad like it does now..
whoever is doing this probably knows she's in love,and does this just to hurt her
y must they rip of her happiness?
y must people be so evil?
here she sits all alone,feeling tears well at the back of her eyes..
the thought of never talking to him again kills her..
he is her heart
he is her soul
he is her other half..
and she is forced to give him away..
all so she can keep her job..
all because 1 person wants to rob her of her happiness
as she sits thinking about how she will have to push him away when he approaches,she feels her heart shatter and break...
she finally found a really great guy but just like with every other guy who stole her heart before him...
she is forced to let him go..
to let go of her heart
to let go of her happiness
and her eyes burst with tears like water forcing it's way through a dam..
she doesn't wanna give him up,but she doesn't wanna lose her job..
she has to make a choice
and she hates having to decide the between the two..
it hurts...
it hurts so bad...
especially if she hurts him too when she gives him the news..
when she is forced to reject him because she cannot afford to lose her job
no matter HOW much she loves him
she is backed into a corner
forced to hurt both him and herself
all because one asshole just won't let them be.

I'm in SUCH a foul mood!

I'm so sick of this! I hear ALL the time how management is watching me coz apparently 1 of my coworkers is being an ASS,and going behind my back to rat me out!! it's all about me socializing,but I DO get my work done! NOBODY SEES that!! Rob especially,is 1 person I can't talk to,and it KILLS me! I'm CRAZY about him!! I don't wanna have to stop talking to him,but I can see I'm gonna have to, to keep from getting written up. T_T. It's not FAIR!!! It's weird tho..I just started picturing him trying to talk to me and me telling him not to,and shooing him away because I don't wanna get in trouble. He might get hurt and feel rejected because I had just told him the day we got in trouble for it,that I would never stop talking to him,and he had said the same about me. But I've already been talked to by a manager TWICE so if I get another, I'm gonna get written up!! it's JUST like it was when I worked Walmart,some ASSHOLE had to call attention to ME,so management now always watches me on the cameras!! and since I don't know for sure WHO is watching me and talking shit,I can't even just go where there r no cameras and talk to him THAT way! it isn't FAIR!! why is it every time I get too happy,too content,and too..in love w/some1,some fucking ASSHOLE has to take that away from me??? WHY??!!!

The thought of having to push Rob away makes me wanna bawl my eyes out!! I'm having to reject what makes me happy...er in this case WHO makes me happy! I NEED this job,and the LAST thing I want is a write up,but I don't wanna stop talking to some1 who makes me so happy to be around! dammit! T_T. I think he might like me back,and I'm gonna have to break 2 hearts at the same time: his and mine. =(  I love this man,and I don't think it's fair that I should have to stop talking to him! We agree that we BOTH like each other's company,and neither of us wants to stop talking to the other,and I don't think we should have to because some ASSHOLE wants my job and wants to get me fired to do it or WHATEVER the fuck these people's problems are!! I think maybe I should get out of maintenance before shit gets too bad for me. =( I wish ppl would LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE,AND MIND THEIR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS!!!!!!! >.<