I love the convos me n Rob end up having, LOL

me: hey..u bored yet? Asleep? whatcha doin? it's been a few hrs. since I bugged u. That's way too long. Gatta annoy u. =D lol

(I just put that in there coz it's funny,but it's not the part of the convo I wanna put up, lol.)

me: btw, I think u and me work together again on Sat. we can be partners in crime acting like idiots. =D
 Rob: sounds good.
 me: I know.  ^_^  and if Dave is there..we can throw a rock at that big bald head of his. BULLSEYE!!!! =D XD rofl.
(continued): We could bring some bows and arrows and use his head as a target...target practice! XD rofl. I dunno. I'm just bored. lol
Rob: haaaaaha! true!
Good idea.
me: ok, I actually started picturing that for real. and now I can't stop laughing. lmao. XD
I just love the stupid things we end up talking about. We r VERY "mature" adults. lol
I know right??? It IS a good idea. Think his dumbass would notice? or maybe his bald spot, like fat, would sponge up everything that hits it. rofl.
Rob: true. me 2.
Not really. right? lol
 me: like being mature is fun anyway. I'd much rather act like I aint got no sense. XD lol
Rob: true
me: there's just something about either making ppl laugh or scaring them. XD lol =D

anyway...news flash!! I like an idiot,left my cell ph charger at work the night before last,so yesterday I went to work to pick it up,and BOY am I glad I did! I got to see Rob;  got to see my love!  ^_^ Oh happy days!! *dances* lol! So I found out he hasn't been texting me because his phone is CRAP and isn't actually RECEIVING texts,but it LETS HIM text. lol I was wondering y he never replied back to me after asking me to check his schedule for him,and  I told him what it was. He needs to get a new phone! >=0 lol. also,the same jack ass coworker who likes to talk shit behind our backs and be "friendly" to our faces had the NERVE to freaking come up to us and talk to us. >.< He was asking me if I was bored and if that was y I was at work on my day off. None of ur damned business u nosy piece of shit! F.Y.I. I'm OFF today,so u can't go running ur mouth about how me and Rob r talking to each other! haha! lol. I'm a customer when I'm not working,and Rob can talk to me ALL he wants now! ;) =P NAAAH! lol! I was feeling VERY deprived not getting to talk to him AT ALL for a WEEK! That was kinda the point in TEXTING,so we could talk W/O having to WAIT till we both worked again. lol.

In other news...I'm getting my wisdom teeth out-FINALLY! I'm tired of the pain yes,but I know I'm gonna be in even MORE pain while I recover. =( I hope it doesn't take me all week to recover. I hope it only takes a few days...if even that. I will DEF be sucking down pain pills like they're candy. I'm also kicking myself because I chickened out!! big time! I was gonna ask Rob if he wanted me to pick him up when he got off work,but I chickened out after asking him what time he gets off work. I have a bad feeling he knew where I was going w/that question and was prolly thinking, "what the hell?" when I didn't ask. I hope he doesn't realize it, lol. It's so stupid,but I was kinda afraid I'd need him pointing it out, turn by turn where he lives and since he's not feeling well, I would be feeling guilty for making him keep his eyes open and all to show me where he lives instead of letting him rest. I will DEF feel better once I get a damn gps! I'll feel more confident for sure, lol. Then he won't HAVE to stay away and point everything out to me. What if the motion of the car made him sick? I don't think  I could deal w/him puking in my car. lol j/k.

Another cool thing..sorta...Ed told me he never had kids because he never married. So he didn't feel the need to sleep around w/different women like every other guy does?? *gasp* SHOCKER!!! =0 actually the only TRUE shocker would be to hear that from a guy MY age! now THAT would floor me! =0 I have much more respect for him now because of that. He may be from an older generation, but it's nice to actually have my old-fashioned mentality understood by a MAN! I mean yeah,my FEMALE friends get where I'm coming from,but no GUY is ever gonna understand why I am the way I am. It's ALL about sex. w/o it,ur man dumps u. it's SHITTY as HELL but all too true. That my friends,is WHY I stay single. I told Ed the same thing; I told him no man's ever gonna put up w/me being like that,and he said I'll find somebody someday. yeah RIGHT! I guess it's possible Rob would. He seems old-fashioned,but I'm not sure he's THAT old-fashioned. I can't see him accepting that about me either but then again,maybe he would. I know he already HAS kids that he's paying child support on. Maybe he'd actually understand the whole "I don't wanna get pregnant" thing too. Maybe. I hope. 1st of all,I gatta tell him the truth about my feelings before I can even THINK of having THAT discussion w/him. I just gatta take everything as slowly as possible. I guess that's it. I said what I felt like saying.

Oh yeah, Rob told me that our idiot coworker apparently was living w/his parents(the guy is my mom's age),and he asked Rob if there were any available apartments in his area. What??? It's not enough we have to put up w/ur shit at work, but u think Rob needs to put up w/u at HOME too?? wtf? lol Rob said he would prolly go snitch him at work 1 day saying, "u should see what Rob did at HOME. I saw him." LOL! they're DEF not gonna say anything to Rob about THAT. when ur at home, ur on ur OWN time,not the company's. Our managers could care LESS about anything Rob does at HOME! wooow! this guy is a fucking DUMB ASS if he tries that! ROFL!! me n Rob had fun making fun of this idiot. I missed getting to do these things w/him. hell, I miss SPENDING TIME w/him. I'm having HELLACIOUS withdrawls. At least I'm scheduled w/him NEXT Sat. too. Thank god! YAY! ^_^ lol

Ed is always giving me something to think about, lol

so my coworker, Ed is still grumbling about how Dave got to him before he even got in the door 1 day,to tell him how 1 of our managers(who's a really nice laid-back kind of manager anyway; I have never seen him yell at ANY1). was supposably "chewing me out",and Dave just "happens" to be by the office and over hearing shit. Just for the record, I was NEVER chewed out. I haven't got in trouble in AGES. Anyway, now he's claiming Dave also claims Lynn(non manager who's kinda in a way over us, lol) supposably "chewed out" me and Rob. wtf?? never happened. She might have said something to Rob at some point but not me. I wasn't even there whatever day that was. Also, I ended up telling Ed about how every once in a while, I have to set Rob straight because for some reason,he gets it in his head that I'm talking shit about him when his back's turned. like, why would I do that?

I've been telling him since day 1 that I don't have a problem w/him,and now I'm head over heels in love w/him too. I can see I'm gonna have to admit to that,so he'll stop thinking I would do that to him. Who knows? even then,he might STILL get like that. I hope not. I'm afraid to tell him the truth. These things NEVER go well for me,but what if it's the only way to convince him that I'm not trash talking him AT ALL?! I'm CRAZY about him! Besides,he STICKS UP FOR ME! I would NEVER repay him for that by backstabbing him,and it both hurts and pisses me off that he would think that of me. =( Anyway,when I told Ed about this, he said it's because a lot of ppl at work talk shit behind his back. He keeps saying that this 1 guy named Brian talks shit too. well,either it's not true or Rob doesn't know it coz he's friends w/Brian. In fact,I know he hangs out w/him outside of work. At least I think he does. I know he called me up once trying to call BRIAN. According to Ed, Brian tells him to not get too close to Rob coz he "stinks" and thinks Rob hasn't changed his clothes in a week. wtf??? why would ANY1 say or do something like that?? thx alot,assholes! now he's suspicious of every 1...including ME because of shit like that. I'm prolly the only 1 in that damn place who cares about him and maybe even Ed does too,but there r times when I know he doesn't trust me. hey! I'm supposed to be the 1/the damn trust issues,and I do have them,but I trust him. I feel like I can trust a GUY for the 1st time ever! a guy my own age(well close to my age) who I'm MADLY in love w/.

Also,Ed tells me he's had a few coworkers ask him if I was seeing any1...1 specifically is this guy who works in electronics and is old enough to be my father. ew!! he says he told him he thinks I have a bf. thank u, Ed! whew! I'll have to back that up now,but MAN is it hard to lie about something like that. especially when Rob's the 1 I wish was my boyfriend,and I can't exactly lie about that either because he might say something to Rob,and Rob's gonna be like, "no,she's not my gf,and then he'll get pissed off at ME for "spreading rumors". It would create too much of a mess,so I hope this guy doesn't say anything to me about it. I will def not accept anymore food he offers me. No way. He might get the wrong impression. =( helllooooooooooooooo, people!! ROB'S the 1 I desire! HE'S the 1 who has my heart,and he's a hell of a lot closer to my age than any of u,so LEAVE ME ALONE! >.< I think that's it on all the crap I have to think about. thank u, Ed. LOL

general blogging

I dunno what's going on w/me today. I felt...what exactly was it? tired? depressed? I'm not sure. All I know is I had a hard time trying to do my usual chatting and picking on Rob,today. lol. I was kinda like I am when I've had ginko pills in my system for about a week except, I didn't have any ginkos,recently. I started to get a little better towards the evening I guess,but that was just ODD for me. I usually can't STOP talking to Rob. I'm ADDICTED to talking to him; I can't get enough of him. lol. Altho, I must say, when we were standing next to each other by the bathrooms,just kinda chilling for a min.,he was kinda looking away,but I could still see his eyes.  Like REALLY SEE them. He has gorgeous eyes. I'm just sayin. =)

Yes,he has brown eyes,and most ppl don't think brown eyes are beautiful,but I do. There's just something about DARK eyes. They're very appealing to me,especially HIS dark eyes. ^_^ =D lol. I have to ask myself the same thing Charity asks me quite often: am I ever gonna tell him? I'm thinking prolly not. I have too many issues,anxities and fears. etc. I just CAN'T be in a relationship,but I know if I let him go I'm gonna regret it. I think I will. I have to let so many other guys before and was felt RELIEF when I did. I KNEW it was the right thing to do,yet I think if I let THIS 1 go,I'm gonna regret it so bad. I'm only hurting myself,but I'm just so SCARED of the "REQUIREMENT" in relationships. I have ISSUES w/that,and I don't know if I'll ever overcome them. =( Rob chose a "FINE" time to hit 1 of his paranoid moments.
He had just left work,and I was still AT work when he had texted me telling me not talk to him anymore bcoz he THOUGHT I had  said something bad about him. I had gotten UPSET. It's  1st reaction. If I had been on break or at home,I would have had time to get over the emotional part of my reaction and went straight to logic. Also,I had been EXHAUSTED that day which didn't help. I was real upset,and 1 f my coworkers saw the look on my face and asked me what was wrong. All I had told her was that it sucks falling in love when u KNOW it's NEVER meant to be. I don't think I told her EXACTLY what happened that had me near in tears.

It seems like a silly thing to get upset over,but what other kind of response does one have to her best friend/the guy she's in love w/, telling her to not talk to him anymore? That HURTS! Anyway,this girl asked me how things r w/me n him tonight. She called him my boyfriend. LOL. I felt embarassed having to admit he's NOT my bf, but I AM in love w/him. The convo lead up to me telling her how much I HATED falling in love when I know damn good and well I'm not meant for a relationship. Then she tried to tell me that there's some1 for every1. Yeah right. Not if u have a PHOBIA to sex and pregnancy...but mostly sex! NO MAN is gonna accept that about me. NONE!

All men want some1 willing to put out,and I don't wanna do that. Not yet. I dunno if ever. It freaks me out pretty bad. It shouldn't,and it's weird that it does. But I have to accept that it does,and so does any guy I end up w/. It's something I'm gonna have to SERIOUSLY work on. I dunno what to do. I don't wanna be stressing thru the whole relationship wondering how long he's gonna put up w/me being scared like this before he gets frustrated and finally dumps me,but I don't wanna let him go either. He's my best friend. I feel like I can talk to him about ANYTHING. We just GET each other most of the time. I can't ever get enough of being around him. He makes me laughs. He notices stupid little scratches I get and asks me if I'm ok/how I got em. He DEFENDS me. He's sweet. He actually LISTENS to me and can be reasoned w/. He's soooo much of what I desire in a man,but is he REALLY "the 1"? or am I only setting myself up for heartbreak AND humiliation? =(

My 1 coworker is still sure there is some1 out for every1. Um not for ppl who have issues w/sexuality there isn't. =( What I told her was "not for skittish ppl." she still believes there is some1 for EVERY1-regardless of the stupid issues we have. I dunno what to do. I SWEAR my feelings have been growing stronger everyday and for the past 5 months at least! That is a REALLY LONG time to hold feelings back,but I have LOTS of practice! lol. Oh my GOD, I miss him right now! Even tho I JUST SAW him tonight,I miss him anyway. On his way out tonight, I said "see ya later." to him and he's all like "Freedom." but he says it in this deeper half grunt kinda way,and he cracked me up. I really freakin love him. ^_^ =) lol

a much better pitch thing for my treatment

 A "News cast" sorta thing. Standing in my back yard or at the beach while making a news announcement like this: I am(insert name), live in St. Louis, Missouri where-
Camera Person: You're not in St.Louis! ur not even in Missouri! This is FLORIDA!
News person: excuse me,but who's the reporter? that would be ME! *taps thumb into own chest* Now like I was saying...I'm here in St.Louis, Missouri where-
Camera Person: FLORIDA! Sarasota, FLORIDA!
News Person: Excuse me,but I know my geometry! We are def in MISSOURI!(u see palm trees and the beach in the background.)
Camera Person: LOOK! there's palm trees..HELL there's an entire BEACH behind you! There are no beaches and especially no palm trees in Missouri.

My 3 Proposal Ideas

1. Sure Isaac is annoying and thinks he knows everything,but he is not the type to go out and kill someone because of their differences...he just likes to insult anyone who doesn't agree with him. Devonny finds his obnoxious ways very irritating and stressful. She would love nothing more than to put her cousin in his place once and for all,but she has no idea that compared to how he could be,she's lucky with the way things are..until she ends up in another dimension and discovers her very life is in danger.
Here's a show/story about 1 young woman named Devonny who has an evil,demented cousin named Isaac. Isaac is so intolerant of anyone who thinks differently from him,including his own family. Especially when it comes to politics or religion. Isaac think it's a disgrace that Devonny,his own flesh and blood, has her own mind and ideas; is more conservative if you will and that she is a disgrace to the whole Rohrbacker family. He finds her such a disgrace that he intends to remove her from the world. Devonny's friends will do anything to protect her,but she does not want them risking their lives for her sake,so she disappears into hiding until she can figure out on her own how to deal with her cousin without endangering her friends.

2. A Romeo and Juliet related story: about 2 coworkers who are crazy about each other,and every1 in the work place seems 100% behind them being together...except for 1 person. 1 person does not want them to be together and will stop at nothing to keep them apart including: making up stories to management,so they'll get in trouble for talking to one another. But why? Why does this person want to keep them apart,but more importantly,WHO is doing this? Who? and what is the motivation to keep them separated? It puts a strain on their growing romance,and they must fight for each other; fight to keep frmo being torn apart and from losing their jobs.


3. 2 children. 1 asshole neighbor. When 13 yr old Destiny and 5 yr old Cameron have to deal w/their obnoxious neighbor, Charlie harassing them on a daily basis,they seek their revenge by..how else do children get revenge on nasty adults?? by playing the meanest, greatest pranks ever.

* I have this assignment for my film and television class where I have to come up w/3 proposal ideas for a tb show/movie. I hope this is the way he meant for us to do it coz I'm new to this right now. I used to write short stories and make comics,so I'm taking some of old ideas to use for these proposals. I hope 1 of these good enough. He said for us to present 1 of them to him. I'm not sure which 1 I want to present yet,but I gatta do this tomorrow. damn. lol

more stuff

so apparently Dave(this know-it -all idiot I work w/) is lying out his ass again.  All of us in maintenance suspect that's HE'S the jackass who ratted me and Rob out months ago,and I know this same idiot always criticizes me. He's the ONLY 1 who doesn't think I do a good job on the bathrooms or in general. Apparently he told Ed that I supposedly "didn't get something done",and "Matt(manager) chewed me out for it." He's a lying sack of shit! I was NEVER chewed out and definitely not by Matt! Matt doesn't chew any1 out. He's the most laid-back manager we have. LOL. I've never seen him "chew out" ANY1. LMAO! Yeah, Mr. I don't need a mop,I'll just get on my hands and knees w/a dry paper towel to clean up soda or soap,thinks he's so damn smart,and I don't do a good job. He once said that his daughter is fucking crazy like her mother and that's y he didn't marry the mother. Actually,I think HE'S the 1 who's crazy. After all,the 1st person to point fingers is usually the 1 guilty. According to Ed, he didn't even get past the door to get clocked in before Dave stopped him and told him," ur girl got in trouble again. Matt chewed her out." or some utter nonsense. What a dumb ass. me and Ed get along rather well. Does he really THINK Ed's NOT gonna tell me?? what a moron! he's never in maintenance! The bond/friendship thing; our tight little cirlce-is me,Ed,and Rob. Most of the time I feel like it's only US because Lynn only ever works mornings and doesn't socialize very much,and Dave's almost never around. As far as I'm concerned,it's just the 3 of us. We help each other out,and I know both guys have my back,and I'd have theirs if they needed it. So far,I'm the only one who needs her back covered, and both guys do that. Haha, Dave's not too far off. I AM in love w/1 of them,but it aint Ed. ;) =D ^_^. lol.

the scoop of the day..

Things are fine w/me and Rob again. I HATE when he gets like that. He gets so paranoid and over thinks things,and it's like his brain invents this whole thing he THINKS he heard,and it always comes out bad. I wish he wouldn't be so quick to jump to conclusions and think that I'm dissing him. What woman in her right mind disses the man she loves? tell me! lol. On the other hand, I did get him to talk to me and sort it out,and for some reason I still get surprised by that. He almost ALWAYS listens to me,so y do I keep thinking he's not gonna hear me out,and I'm gonna lose my friend? He's proven to me time and time again that he can be reasoned w/;that he listens and ,yet I still get a little paranoid my own self and think he's gonna refuse to talk to me..especially when he told me to not talk to him anymore. Talk about raining on my parade..being told by the guy u LOVE talking to to never talk to him anymore. Ouch. It also seems to me that when we have our (rare) fights,it brings us much closer when I set out to resolve it. I'm just grateful as hell that he listens to me,and I was able to get thru to him. Gary would NEVER listen to me. It used to be frustrate me to no end. Thank God this 1 does. I may have found a good 1 at last. Except for his paranoia and thinking I'm betraying him at times,he IS a good 1. And this 1 isn't taken. lol Anyway,it seems to me that when we fight like this and make up,I come closer to telling him the truth about my feelings. I actually told him he's 1 of the FEW ppl at work who I feel like I can trust. I'm not sure if he heard me,but I wonder if that's basically admitting I'm crazy about him? I blew up his inbox w/texts trying to get him to explain himself to me. Why u so mad at me? lol. He asked me to call him,and we had the longest conversation on the phone..for the 1st time. Always before we just texted. It's nice talking to him. =)

And in other news...the very same girl I felt the twinge of jealousy over when my man was taking to HER,stopped me this afternoon and asked me if he was still here. I told her he was and that he went to lunch,so she asked me if I could tell him to go see her when he got back. I said I would but by the time I saw him again,we got to acting like retards again and socializing in general,and I forgot all about it. The next time around when I saw him,I remembered and when I tried to tell him,he wasn't even listening. There was a red trike in the back;it was tiny little thing,and he kept trying to tell me that was his ride. lol. I kept laughing and in between laughs I kept trying to tell him that his friend wanted to talk to him,but he just started going on again about his "ride" and wasn't listening. I finally playfully said, "r u even listening?" lol and he was all like, "I'm sorry, go ahead." or something like that. haha. I loved it. The only time he WASN'T listening to me was over something not important anyway; over something about that girl who I actually wanted to claw her eyes out last week or week before bcoz she was HOGGING him from me. lol. Now THAT'S the kinda irony I like. the kind that plays in MY favor for a change instead of some1else's. lol. I feel so..superior I guess. Happy. something. I can't think of the right word for it. All he wanted to do was tease ME. Pick on ME w/a bad joke(not that bad really. haha) instead of hearing what I had to say for that OTHER girl. haha. I win. He's MINE,bitch. LOL XD. Maybe she doesn't have her sights on him or anything,and she hasn't done anything to me,but it still made me all ecstatic and what not. =D lol

this is EXACTLY what was destined to happen wasn't it? =(

as USUAL,when I am too happy; have things TOO good,something ALWAYS has to fuck it up for me; something ALWAYS has to take my happiness away from me. I'm just so sick of it. I HATE falling in love. it's the most inhumane torture. =( I guess Rob's never talking to me again. I can't keep having to reassure him that he's being paranoid basically; that I'm NOT dissing him. I'm in LOVE w/him,so y would I do that? but whatever. fuck it. I can't take this anymore. Are ALL guys like this? he likes u for a LITTLE while and all of a sudden,he's done w/u. ur just an inconvenience to him. yeah whatever. I HATE this! I couldn't get off work fast enough. I kept tearing up and when I got to my car to reply to his texts,I bawled some more. I've been crying on and off again,and I think I'm FINALLY all cried out. I can't take this anymore. y must love ALWAYS screw me over in the end?? he thinks I'm being shady. How???? I've noticed he gets VERY paranoid. He ALWAYS thinks ppl r talking bad about him...that includes me too now; he thinks even *I* am dissing him. I just don't get it. I'm tired. I'm heart broken. I'm sick to fucking death of everything. I don't even wanna go to work tomorrow. =( funny how I wanted my license so bad just to hang out w/HIM and just as I GET my license,he starts this shit. God, just shoot me. =( Maybe I should finally leave the nest,and leave Bradenton when I do. Too bad it's gonna be a while before I get my film degree. I'm pretty sure I'll be leaving town when I finally get the job of my dreams. Oh well. Like I said, too bad it's gonna be at least a yr or 2,maybe more before I complete my degree. *sigh* =(

I am so EXCITED!!!! =D

I FINALLY got my license today! WOO HOO! Happiness!! Now I get to finally go hang out w/my sweetie outside of work,but I still need a gps. Curse this being directionally challenged crap! damn! I get to drive myself to work tomorrow. yay! I can't stop looking at my license. It's like a badge of honor or something. It's something I have been DYING to have for YEARS,and I finally have it and can't believe it. lol. I think I'll still do a lot of driving on my own and get more comfortable w/my driving; more familiar w/where everything is(and possibly wait till I get a gps) before I can start hanging out w/Rob. I still get nervous w/my driving at times,so I don't wanna start getting him yet. Maybe I'll start picking him up from work on  my days off,so he can show me how to get to his house,and I can learn my way there. yay! ^_^ I might do that for starters till I get my gps. Also,the bestie is wanting to drag me to NY in March,and I hope I'll be able to go: get the money to go,be able to ask for the time off ahead of time and get it,have it not interfere w/school, etc. I'm both nervous and excited about driving myself to work tomorrow. yay! now I don't have to cringe anymore whenever my parents leave,and it's getting closer for time to be get to work,and they're still not home yet. I can just take myself. ^_^ =D So..I've had 3 main goals for past 6-8 years: get my ged,get my license,and my wisdom teeth out. so far I've managed to get my ged 2 years ago,and today get my license. Now I just need to my wisdom teeth out. I've found a dentist that will work w/me on that,and a line of credit that approved me despite my shitty credit score..now if they'll just CALL ME to schedule that appointment like they SAID they would that would be great. I still have the pain and would very much like to be relieved of it. Thanks. lol. I can't wait to start hanging out w/Rob outside of work for a change. w/o limits and w/o having to go do something else instead of talk. Now I can REALLY spend some time w/him. He doesn't do much either. Like me(or like I USED to be),he has no license and not much of a life which is FINE by me coz I can have him ALL to mySELF! YES! I'm taking him to the beach and St. Armand's Circle and all kinds of places as soon as I can. YAY! I love this man,and I wanna spend sooo much time w/him. ^_^ =D I'm hopng 2013 is the year of hope and good things to come n stuff. yippee!!! I feel so happy! ^_^ =D