Random Rant

I dunno what to say sometimes...I am still an uptight woman. So Sam's Club decided to fire a bunch of people nation wide because of this Obama care shit( Good going Obama and all u libtards..once AGAIN u managed to fuck the country up. "great" job.),and of course my ALREADY assanine; ass kissing coworkers r even MORE determined 2 get my ass fired w/their bullshit. The thing that pisses me off is EVERYONE acts "nice" to me. The hard part is figuring which ones are real/genuine,and which are the bastards who act "nice: to my face,but rat me out to the managers when my back's turned. Somebody even paid attention to WHEN I took my break. WTF?? that is too MUCH EFFORT for me to look at somebody's schedule,see when they come in,and then be able to determine WHEN they're supposed to take a break,but some dipshit w/NO life took that kinda effort out JUST so they could notice I went to my break a little early. of COURSE I did..if ANY1 would just SAY something to my FACE, I would have explained that I expected another coworker to take her break when I was SUPPOSED 2 go,so that I already had it done and when she went to HER'S, we wouldn't BOTH be at break at the same time. Oh no! Somebody's gatta pay attention to THAT too. ya know what? I don't care anymore! If they're gonna fire me, LET EM! I don't give a shit anymore! I'll collect unemployment. so u go RIGHT ahead and fire me,assholes! I feel like I'm back in 6th grade only-at least in 6th grade..PEOPLE made it OBVIOUS they didn't like me. Now I gatta always deal w/2 faced assholes,and I SWEAR if I ever find out who's doing it, it's gonna be a dark day in hell for them. try me! I will eventually find out WHO u are, and I will FIND ways 2 get UR ass in trouble. don't fuck w/me! Karma is a bitch! Remember that when u pulling shit on me. Karma is a BITCH!  I hate being there! It reminds me too much of Rob anyway since that place IS how we met.

I am also sick of this 1 customer who comes in there  A LOT,and I am SURE he comes in just 2 see me. It's creepy! I think he's had his eye on me for a  LONG time. Rob was still alive when this shit 1st started..in fact, I was ALREADY in a RELATIONSHIP W/ROB when this asshole 1st started hitting on me. Dude, I had a boyfriend when u 1st started this crap! Go away! and not to mention the 72 year old MARRIED GEEZER who hits on me too. UGH! JUST BECAUSE MY BOYFRIEND DIED DOES NOT MEAN I AM "ON THE MARKET AGAIN;FOR SALE" LEAVE ME ALONE! YOU ARE NOT ROB STIZZA! YOU'LL NEVER BE HIM! U CAN'T BE LIKE HIM! NOBODY CAN! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!!!!! >=0 I HATE when people take advantage of me! GO AWAY! LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!!! I would be GLAD 2 get away from these creepy guys once and for all. I at least have SOME people who ARE understanding; who KNOW u can't put a limit on grief. 1 coworker I talked to right before I left today..he is so understanding. it's weird. there was this movie on in the break room,and there was a woman who looked like she died,and people were crying over her. Out of my own bitterness, I said, "oh u lost some1? I did too. u'll get over it..I had to." or something like that,and my coworker said something to me about "how are u doing w/that by the way?" I told him I was doing ok but sometimes when I think I'm fine, out of nowhere the grief will hit me again,and he was VERY sympathetic about it. He said, "I understand. If I lost my wife, I don't know what I'd do." EXACTLY! losing a person u r HEAD OVER HEELS IN LOVE W/ is CRUEL! it's 1 pain that will end u over the brink of sanity! might get u locked up tight or something. he still has his wife,but he knows if he lost her, it would kill him just like losing Rob has killed ME.

I told him how some ppl think I need to be over this already.  It's "in the past." yes, but he PAIN is STILL THERE!!! I said, "most people just don't get PAINFUL it is to lose somebody who means EVERYTHING to them." He actually said that u can't put a time limit on grief; to "fuck" what they say. lol. he remembers Rob too. I said there was something about Rob,and he said, "yeah. Rob was a good man." I KNOW RIGHT?! He was the BEST! =,) after the shitty day I was having, this guy made me feel better. I remember saying about the ppl giving me crap, I was like, "U try losing somebody who means everything to U,and see if it doesn't fuck U up in the head too." it's impossible! don't tell me to get over the death of a man who meant everything to me; who had my heart and soul ;who was there for me;defended me. He was my best friend! He made me laugh,he was fun 2 talk to,he made me feel better when I was down. He was always there for me! don't TELL me I need to MOVE ON coz he's dead. I still have the memories! I still LOVE him. HE'S the only 1 who died..not me,not the relationship..and certainly not my love for him. I miss him,and I will go the rest of my life missing him TERRIBLY! =,( somebody else had a ringtone playing a song I've never heard before,but the 1st line of the song was something like, "I'm missing u so much." or something,and I nearly cried hearing that. it made me think of Rob,and reminded me how STRONGLY I miss him! =,(

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jealousy SUCKS! I can't help it! I may need to do like my best friend did,and get the hell off facebook. or just delete the other friend since we never talk anyway. she is driving me NUTS! it's hard not 2 feel jealous. she still has HER boyfriend;I had to LOSE mine. =( apparently,they're getting married-AND he bought her a house.  Oh "joy". "GOOD FOR U!!" I also have to keep seeing such "cute; IN LOVE" couple pix of them. "awwww"- NOT! I feel jealous of couples anyway,but no other couple makes me jealous than those 2 because they remind me of me and my bf to a TEE! they met the same way; in the same place,developed feelings for each other LONG before they finally admitted to it,and HELL! HE even confessed 1ST!! JUST the way MY relationship started out. Oh "JOY"! rub it in my face ok? I "like" it! REALLY! Bring on the TORTURE! I'm USED to it! FUCK love! stupid temporary shit. always meant for some1 else but  never ME! just like wealth..always meant for some1 ELSE..never ME! that's for damn sure! now on to my next rant...lol.

annoying old coots who think just coz ur dumb enough to trust them w/venting ur pain; just because u LOSE ur boyfriend, u MUST be desperate; MUST be looking for a replacement; a new boyfriend. EW! the point is..it somehow got around to him I think that I am finding him a "little" creepy. now he wants to know if I "still have funny feelings." I just told him, "I still grieve at times, yeah." then walked away. I'm not talking to him. pure and simple. He doesn't AT ALL make me feel better about ANYTHING! PERIOD! ESPECIALLY not about my boyfriend. I'm sorry I have a REAL problem w/some1 who jumps my case because I bring uo my boyfriend a little "too much." AT THE SAME TIME, makes constant passes at me. I'm done! I need to go back to having just GIRL friends coz I can't trust guys. Guys are ALWAYS letting me down.Not JUST in relationships. IN GENERAL! I can't get something off my chest w/o a guy taking advantage of me in some way and/or just not giving a shit to begin with. The ONLY guy who's really been any ACTUAL help to me w/what I'm going thru is my pastor...then again, maybe it's because he's already MARRIED/SPOKEN FOR that he's not after me too. yet that doesn't explain the creep I deal w/ he's married too,yet makes the most inappropriate comments to me at times. or used to...before I stopped talking to him. I'll say hi to him sometimes,but I don't engage in conversation. every1 is sick of hearing me talk about my bf,and I'm sick the back lashes I get for trusting ANY1,so it's a win/win. I don't talk to certain ppl anymore,and they don't have to hear about my bf anymore..I also don't have to deal w/creepy old farts telling me creepy things. done. I'm gonna try harder to not get close to guys anymore. at all. my battered and bruised heart isn't capable of that type of love anymore. I'm done.

The 1 man I wanted; the 1 I decided was THE 1, died on me, so fuck it! I'm done! I'm sick of guys falling in love w/me when I'm in no condition to love back;I've always hated breaking hearts coz I've had MINE broken so damn many times, I've lost count. it sucks, dude. =,(
I'm tired of men old enough to be my FATHER and GRANDFATHER getting the hots for me! it's GROSS and CREEPY! I'm sick of these guys equating the grief I have over losing my bf w/ being desperate and dateless and thinking it's "time to snatch me up." I'm so SICK of guys right now! they just piss me off! I can't be JUST FRIENDS w/1 damn guy W/O getting the damn hots/crushing on me. LEAVE ME ALONE! y da HELL would u wanna be w/a girl who STILL MISSES and GRIEVES over her LAST boyfriend? WTF??!! =,( I'm just DONE. or I'm TRYING 2 be,but I just can't get this off my mind. =( T_T   I miss him sooooooooooooooo MUCH! =,(