this is what u call "mixed blessings"

So I made the mistake of getting in touch w/Rob's family a few days ago. I was naive enough to think these people really accepted and thought of me as family. They sure treated me that way 2 years ago when I ws introduced to them. ya know I felt GUILTY for not maintaining contact w/them and when I finally did,the way his stepmother treated me was WRETCHED! u would think if u have a loss in common w/someone,then u and those people can help each other and maybe even might like to know how u have been all this time, etc etc. right?? don't u think?? I thought so,but this dingbat didn't even remember who I was,so I explained that I had been Rob's girlfriend,and she fucking attacks me. bitching about me using their name on facebook(well I thought Rob and I were in love and would have married 1 day + I thought it was a sweet way of cherishing his memory). oh noooooooo! she wouldn't stop bitching as if I committed this great crime and acts as if I am delibrately stirring up the pain again. Well, I miss him too..so she tells me to get over it coz he used me and didn't care about me and all this. really?? he sure didn't behave at ALL like a man who doesn't care about his lady,and I KNOW a man who doesn't give a shit for real. If that IS true, wow. that makes me feel like I can't trust men at all if 1 can be THAT good of an actor. He was so protective of me,and easily got upset. like EMOTIONAL when he thought I was betraying him somehow..would a guy who doesn't care about u go through all THAT just to put up a front?? sounds like too much effort just to deceive someone to me. I don't get it. He was VERY affectionate w/me. VERY. whenever he apologized to me,he would TIGHTLY hug me and rock me back and forth. is that the actions of a man who "USES" me? how about the fact he even bothered apologizing at all?? nothing adds up. I'm trying to figure out what her motivation for lying to me would be too. didn't this bitch used to say, "u coulda been my daughter-in-law?" I know she did. My friend,Gabrielle was there w/me that day. She can tell ya. whatever. the GOOD news tho...

I seemed to have found somebody anyway. Someone at work who started out as an acquaintance  for so long suddenly out of the blue, started showing an interest in me. I was very hesitant and resistant at 1st,but now I am glad I surrendered and started hanging out w/him. I've been having a great time,and I'm def starting to like him. I get butterflies and a racing heart when we cuddle/hug. wow!! The best thing is he doesn't do drugs or drink. HALLELUJAH!! =D and as FAR AS I KNOW, he's not USING me or being deceptive at all.  I hope not. I am so SICK of being made to regret giving a man my heart. I'm just over it. I'm over the lies,over the betrayal..over the heartache...if you're just gonna use and abuse me later..GO AWAY!! he seems like the real deal but after what I learned about Rob...how can I trust this guy either? how do I know who I can trust anymore? my trust issues only got WORSE!!! =( then again,my fears/anxieties/trust issues etc could kill my chance of having a good man. I fear that too. Please God don't let me ruin a good thing? if it really is a good thing. I just don't know anymore. =,(

so much going on...

I'm so BUMMED that Jake left our store. I was having fun giving him a hard time. seriously tho. I love him to death. The good thing is tho he works at the store just up the street from my house,so I get to drop in from time to time and annoy him good. =D I love that guy! he's my BUDDY!! ^_^ also..been hanging out w/another friend from work. This seems to have come from outta NOWHERE that he keeps wanting to talk to and hang w/me more. I've known him for MONTHS,but out of the blue, we are suddenly hanging out lately,and I gatta say I am enjoying it! I am  NOT falling in love,but I am definitely having a great time and looking forward to the days we hang out.  I am having more of a bounce in my step and am so much happier these days. I am no feeling as depressed or angry as I've been for a very long time. I am also attempting to get a transfer to the store up the road by my house and where Jake is. I would LOVE to be over here where I can annoy him and only be about 15 min from work. I had a crush on 1 guy and yet another is hanging out w/me lately. I am very mixed up w/all this...and kinda still missing my love,Rob.  As long as I am being allowed to take things slow while I figure out where my heart/feelings,thoughts etc are headed before things go further, I will be fine. I just need to keep seeing where this goes and by that I mean where my feelings are headed-if anywhere.