I am pissed

they shut of my internet-AGAIN! IDIOTS!! >.<  my bills r on automatic payment,yet they NEVER take the payment,so they turn off the service for no pay. suuuuuure makes sense! >.<  Bright House Y can't u come out to Sarasota/Bradenton?? COME ON!! more money for u!! duh! lol I like ur service a MILLION x's better. u could have more customers if u extended ur service further. COME ON!! =0 I miss my internet. =(

journaling/blogging whatever you wanna call it. =)

I actually had these weird online assignments I had to do in english class in college,where they have u practice ur grammar,and ur ability to identify things in essays that need correcting, or whatever they were. One of the things the lessons give tell u is to "journal", or "blog". So that is what I'm doing. Blogging. Good thing I have this blogger page. LOL U can write about anything u want,and u don't have to be grammatically correct,or POLITICALLY correct for that matter. Good. Coz I aint gonna. Political correctness,and the expectation to feel sorry for stupid people can kiss my ever loving ass LOL

So here's my journal;my "practice" for the day: I orignally made this blogger,so I could use google adsense. Google adsense,however;is a JOKE! ok. I've had them for like a YEAR now,and I STILL don't earn anything,so I took it back out. It's a waste. However,I still like blogging,and no1 prolly reads this,but it gives me something to do,and I don't have to risk some of my friends on facebook reading this. Most,I don't MIND reading what I say,but I have OTHERS,who's opinions I realllllly don't wanna see. LOL I have a cousin who's so ATHEIST,and so LIBERAL to the point,that if I post ANYTHING to do w/religion,or politics(since my politcal views r more conservative) he FLIES off the handle at me!! It's really irritating! >.<

Also, atleast 1 of my guy friends on there has a thing 4 me,so it kinda makes me feel weird when I mention Grant Wilson(who I have a CRUSH on lol),or post his pix. Since no1else uses blogger,I don't have to worry about them reading any of this.That's basically it. I made blogger,so I could use adsense,but I'm not thrilled w/it. I do like blogger,so I am keeping it. It's the only place I feel safe giving my opinions n such aside twitter,but twitter doesn't let u type much. It's just for short statuses,whereas here,I can type as much as I want. That's all. =)

my mom juts doesn't get it. I'm not the way I am BECAUSE of HER lol

my mom thinks that despite her efforts to raise me and my brother in a "normal" way,she still ended up making us "emotionally crippled" or however she put it the other night. lol grant it,my grandmother made some not so wise decisions in her life that caused my mom,aunts,and uncle to have all these issues that they still have to this day. Now make ur way down the line to the next generation. My brother at 15 is way more interested in computer ganes,and the military(he's in ROTC and plans to join the marines after high school) than he is in girls. The thing is tho,my brother likes  this girl who's a friend of the family. They've known each other since they were little kids,and her sisters,and brother,and parents,and us...we all knew each other since forever. I was 11 or 12 when we met,and I am now 24(going on 25 in 2 months) My brother,like me is NOT going to admit when he likes some1 coz rejection is the most painful thing to deal w/. Also, we have both discovered it is far better to have them as ur friend,than to not have them at all. Not to mention,she lives in kinda far from us anyway,so he never sees her.

Now,on to ME. I have SHITTY luck w/men. period. Even as a teenager. It just NEVER changed. My mom also sees that her 24 yr old straight daughter is skittish around men. um yes,but not because of YOU. coz men r ASSHOLES! too many are damned good actors. They ACT like gentleman. They ACT like they respect ur wishes and boundaries,etc. They will SAY ANYTHING they think u wanna hear to have their way w/u(atleast that's been my experience). my last boyfriend was like this. He's a dope user,he works 4 walmart,and doesn't intend to ever change that. I have too much ambition,I don't wanna get pregnant,coz I'm in college,and fighting to have a future. This guy hurt me so bad,worse than just breaking my heart. He was going way too fast,and could be scary at times. I can't put into WORDS what I went thru dating him. The humilaiton. His stupidity. I just can't trust guys anymore. Not after THAT! Not to mention that things went right back to how they were before. Guys I like NEVER feel the same about me. EVER! I was falling for a really nice guy I met at school,and it turned out he had a girlfriend. =( They broke up later,but I now find they are back together.

The 1st guy I ever fell for back in high school,was 1 of my friends...until he found out how I felt about him. I couldn't even have him as a friend anymore. He wouldn't talk to me-always avoided me like the plague,and when he DID talk to me,I couldn't even tease him anymore.(we used to pick on each other alot) He would always get so pissed, and fly off the handle at me. So,yeah EXCUSE ME if I don't ever "make a move"; tell a guy when I like him. I'm SICK of it blowing up in my face! guys want me?? they have to come to ME. I'M not chasing them,no matter HOW MUCH I like him. EVER! >.<

My mother doesn't understand it isn't anything SHE did. I have LOUSY luck w/men,and it has NOTHING to do w/anything SHE'S done. The ONLY thing that has to do w/her,is my wanting to stay abstinent till marriage. She kept telling me about her ,and my dad. How me and my half brother were born at the same time,and how that whole mess happened. She USED 2 tell me I'm better off waiting. I noticed she doesn't care 1 way or other now,but I still do. I have watched WAY 2 many ppl(quite a bit my own FRIENDS) get screwed over by a guy. He knocks her up,and leaves her. Tells ppl the kid aint his,and there was a "maternity test" to prove otherwise. She says he was the ONLY guy she's ever slept w/ UGH! Too much drama!! I DON'T WANT THAT! >.< I REFUSE 2 give any guy the opportunity to ruin my life,my reputation,and hurt our child. making that poor kid wonder what THEY did wrong,and y daddy doesn't love him/her. Nope. REFUSE!! I am NOT ready for a kid at this time,so I will NOT even take the risk. DEAL W/IT!

There just isn't any1 for me out there,and I refuse to look anymore. I'm done. Mom this ISN'T UR DOING!! this is my OWN RETCHED luck w/men! Come to think of it,I believe my brother has watched me get hurt often enough too,that he won't tell girls when he likes them. Coz seeing me get hurt all the time has made him shy away. Either that,or he really does like the computer more than girls. I dunno. Just my theory. My mom really thinks she's screwed us up. This y I am sooooo grateful for this crush I am having on a man I don't know,and would never stand a chance w/anyway because he is married. I don't have to worry about a broken heart,or having to go faster than I am ready for. I'm safe,and I like it that way! >.<

this was from an assignment I had,and I found this HILARIOUS! XD

  If you want to irritate your boss and lose your job, follow these suggestions.  Don't show up for work, and don't call in. Let your boss assume you are caught in traffic and will just be late.  Then, when you don't show up and your boss calls, don't answer your phone. Instead, enjoy your day doing whatever you want to do.  When you go to work the following day, don't explain your absence. Just say you didn't feel like coming to work.  Your boss will be baffled by your lack of an excuse. Take a long lunch break, and eat such a big meal that you have to take an afternoon nap.  When your boss finds you with your head on your desk and wakes you up, assume it's quitting time and walk out the door.  By now, your boss will be furious with you, but don't turn around. And don't go to work the next day. You won't have a job.

great *rolls eyes*

I think it's funny how the OLDER generations(like my parents's generation) r the ONLY 1's that see so MUCH in me. It's sad. I can't find a guy my own age like that. =( I know a guy I met in class this semester,who's 43 and married. his wife treats him like shit no matter WHAT he does for her,and in the mean time I am just being a good friend and a listening ear for him. he also would help me w/math since he was so good at it,and I struggled GREATLY! it was kind of a trade off. anywho,this guy admitted he likes me. he already said if he was single and younger,he would be asking me out. he said I was SMART,WITTY,BEAUTIFUL,and FUNNY. WHY CAN'T GUYS IN THEIR FREAKING 20'S or even EARLY 30'S SEE THAT??!! WHY???!!!! I got yet another annoying IM from some1 who has NO intention of telling me who the HELL they are,and that person says "hey babe" GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! GO 2 HELL!!! I'm sick of stupid guys w/NO RESPECT!! I'm not ur "babe" I don't even KNOW U!! do u even KNOW what I LOOK like???!! I get be some 900 lb OLD lady w/false teeth or not teeth! or some gay rapist for all u know. UR AN IDIOT!! enough said! sheesh!!! I have had guys drool over me b4,think I was hot,sexy,or CUTE! not ONCE did they EVER use words like "stunning" "beautiful" "smart" not ONCE did they actually wonder WHY or HOW I was still single. they don't give a damn! they only care about SEX! NOTHING and I mean NOTHING is more important than that to them(except MAYBE vid games for some) I think the idiots that started that sexual revolution should just be smacked upside the damn head!!! they RUINED chivalry!! they KILLED IT!! >.< I think it's sad how only men in their 40's/50's notice ME as PERSON MORE than how I LOOK!! I HATE that!!! I don't wanna have to date a man old enough to be my dad JUST 2 be treated w/RESPECT and JUST 2 be LOVED more than LUSTED after. oh hell-just to be NOTICED!!! =0 blah! I just needed 2 rant. rant over LOL

all I can say is..THANK U LORD!!!! =)

I can't BELIEVE I was starting to fall in love w/some guy I met only a yr ago in college. I NEVER got to see him much after that semester ended,and I missed him soooooo much. Everything tho,has happened the way it did 4 a REASON,and I thank GOD 4 that coz I NEEDED it!! =) ok case in point: guy I like doesn't take summer classes,later on quits jobs at Target,eliminating BOTH ways I had of seeing him. Next thing,I thought I would see him this semester,NEVER see him. The I start watching Ghost Hunters,and develope a MAJOR crush on Grant Wilson.(some1 I don't know,never will,never stand a chance w/ so won't fall in love w/ him) so little by little I am thinking less and less of the guy I met at school,and then low and behold...HE GETS BACK W/HIS EX!! holy CRAP!!! LOL this is a def classic case of things happening for a reason. the never seeing him anymore,and then getting a new crush(on some1 I don't even know at that). it all ads up. I'm not dying of a broken heart now,coz I'm over him finally! *sings* I AM OVER HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIM!! THANK U JESUS!!!oh happy days!! lol otherwise I would have been suffering a broken heart now,but I'm not. I have enough distractions,and had them for just long enough that it doesn't hurt!! yay!!! I feel so high right now!! lol for the 1st time all year,I FINALLY feel blessed! =)


I'll just stick to crushing on this guy for now. yes sir. =) LOL!! LOOK AT HIM!! HE'S ADORABLE!! AHHHHHH!!!! ^_^  LOL

I wonder what REALLY makes someone a "sensitive"?

 my whole life,my mom has been telling me I'm a sensitive. She makes it sound as if it means that ur sensitive 2 spirits. if a place is haunted,ur gonna be the 1st(or only) 1 to experience paranormal activity. or also,like in the case of both me and my dad,u have constant battles w/demons in ur dreams. I don't have them CONSTANTLY,but ever since I was 13 I started getting dreams about being attacked by demons. Be it,them throwing thru windows,or throwing me off stair cases,sometimes I get the 1's where I'm in my own bed,and they're pulling me slowly off my bed,and I can't see them. I can see where they're grabbing me,and I can see myself  slide in the direction I'm being pulled in,but I can't SEE whatever it is,has me. it's not even in shadow form. no black mass or nothing. just NOTHING THERE! my dad would fight demons in his sleep,in mine they would attack me. and I was ALWAYS never able to move to fight it off, nore could I make my voice work 2 DEMAND it let me go.

Then there was the incident that happened when I was about 2,my parents had me in this 1 bedroom,they SWEAR it was haunted or something,because I always lost my mind in their. night after night I woke up screaming my head off,and staring at 1 spot of my crib. my mom said she would even rearrange my room,my crib,and I would still wake up hollering,and looking at 1 spot. I've even tried to climb out of my crib time and time again. these are the things she bases me being a "sensitive" on,yet if u watch Ghost Hunters,they're idea of a sensitive seems to be of some1 who is psychic. so I dunno. lol I am just wondering. =)

blah! hello again lol

so anywho...it's been proly MONTHS (again) since I've come on here, and blogged lol I am HAPPY 2 say I am over the guy I had it bad 4,and I can thank this new full blown crush I am now having for that LOL I have this insane fascination w/the paranormal,and am always wanting to know if it's real or not,so my mom kept INSISTING I watch Ghost Hunters,and low and behold after a few episodes or so,I find myself developing a full blown crush on Grant Wilson,from the show LOL I think Dave Tengo's a cutie too,but somehow its GRANT I can't freaking take my eyes off of. lol I just wanted to watch the show for any spirits they find. I wasn't supposed to be distracted by 1 of the guys LOL he is married tho,and I respect that. even if I meet him someday,and he turns out to be the "unfaithful type" I wouldn't have anything to do w/him-sorry but I don't mess w/married men. Won't stop me from drooling tho lol I would never even TRY 2 get him anyway,but this works great! I NEVER get the guy anyway,but this is even better because I don't know him,so it's IMPOSSIBLE 2 fall in love w/him. keeps me from going crazy,and I'll be able to move on b4 I know it. This also gets me over the other guy,who OBVIOUSLY ISN'T interested in me. never has been. never will be. never get to see him anyway,so there. =P I have fully accepted the fact,that I am just not meant 2 have any kind of relationship. My generation is 2 freaking stupid,and only cares about 1 thing,and my trust issues r far 2 high 2 let any1else in. I'm actually GRATEFUL when I have celebrity crushes. For  ME,it's RARE,but it's much safer on my heart. it's kinda like riding a motion simulator ride instead of the real thing,it gives the same effects w/o the risk =)