the confusion is definitely at hand here. lol

the big million dollar question about the guy I like is..is he gay or married? I'm mainly confused because not only do I see him hang more around girls than guys,but I've only seen him FLIRT w/women too. That might be confusing. He also wears a gold ring on his left hand,so it appears he's married. However,a friend of mine and I were talking about the types of guys we find attractive,and I said that I like men w/dark hair and dark eyes. Another coworker overheard this and told me that people w/brown eyes are connivers. To which I said that my boyfriend had had brown eyes,and he was a sweet heart. ^_^ Anyway,my cutie team leader (*blushes*) over heard THIS part,and he said, "what does that make me? I have hazel eyes." LOL! Also,my friend mentioned that the world has 1 less amazing guy because my boyfriend died,and this guy says, "what about me? I'm amazing; I'm still alive." aww. I hope that means he might be somewhat interested in me. I doubt it,but it was still cute. lol!! I like him A LOOOOTT!!! omg!! * blushes* I wonder what that means. y would he even care if he's gay or married? He should only be focused on what his spouse thinks of him if he has 1 like I think,or if he's gay,then y would he wanna convince FEMALES that he's amazing? what would be the point? it's not like either of us could date him if he is. see? hence why my blog has CONFUSION in the title. I am really wondering now. lol  I love how he hugged this 1 girl who he's like best buds w/,and this old lady who he cashiered for was like, "did she pay w/cash? is that y she gets a hug?" then he hugged her too..now mind u she's an OLD lady. elderly! and now he's got his ego inflated and tells me he's a ladies man. LOL!! that was freaking hilarious! he is NOT ok. LMAO!! again..do GAY guys even "jokingly" say that they are a ladies man? doesn't seem to me like a truly gay man would even be FLATTERED by the idea of it,and he sure seemed to like that. =) cool beans. he does seem to like women. =D that's a little encouraging.

what's it gonna take to truly move on and get some relief?

 I still love u and miss u for all of my days.
  I crush a lot and am crushing now,but I still miss you.
In the past,getting a new interest made me forget about the past broken heart
but let's face it-what u and I had was too strong; too AMAZING to replace.
u did once tell me to never forget u.
maybe that's what it is. maybe somehow u are "still around" making sure I can't forget u.
no matter what I do. no matter how much I think I've healed and "moved on", u are still on my mind ALL the time.
At night when I'm all alone, I want to dream about u. I stare at ur picture because it makes me feel like you're there looking back at me.
No  matter how much I crush and am able to notice other men again,they still can't take ur place.
You're still the 1 I wanna talk to about everything both good and bad that happens in my life.
I miss u so much and surely will till my last dying breath.
I will likely speak ur name as my last word(s) on my death bed.
I wanna be able to love again and give another man a chance,but no man can ever make me feel the way u did-or satisfy me emotionally and intellectually like u did.
No man can be my BEST FRIEND like u were.
No other man is gonna think as much the same as me as u did.
I miss u so much and sit back an imagine what our future could've been.
I grieve the beauty that was lost when ur life was taken so suddenly.
I can't stand not having u in my life even now,and  it's been almost 2 years.
Even in another 20 -40 years, I'm sure I will still grieve ur loss.
I think about u often,and beg u to come see me in my dreams again but nothing.
I want u back. I'd do anything if I could get u back-
I'd do anything to have saved ur life-prevented ur death in the 1st place, my love.
I miss u miss u MISS U SO BAD!
there was a time when crushing on other guys made me forget a broken heart I had prior to it-but not U.
NO other man can make me forget u.
NO other guy as much as he tries, can take away the pain of losing u.
He could be the most AMAZING guy and treat me well like u did,but he still can't take ur place.
He can't take away the pain losing u has inflicted on me.
I will never stop missing u and longing for u until my last dying breath,my love.