Ok,I'm adjusting to my new job nicely. I mean,so far,I LOVE it! every1 there is SO NICE-even the MANAGERS! Speaking of managers,rather I like it or not,I think I may have some kind of "bond" w/ the manager. He's the same 1 that interviewed me,and we hit it off from the start. I knew I impressed him and had a good feeling he was gonna hire me-which he did. He's a goof ball,and he and the other managers are so understanding about me needing to learn my job since I'm new and all. This guy is the BEST! He's a trip;loves to goof off. Same as me. He's already said I seemed so familiar to him and like I was some1 he might have known in a past life time. I was kinda paranoid,wondering if this guy might have a thing for me. I don't want this because I'm just too skittish for relationships. I can't be in 1. it just ISN'T for me. I'm terrified of getting into another relationship again, for reasons I will not discuss.
Because of this,I do NOT want him asking me out. I would have to turn him down,and I might find myself out of a job as fast I got 1 again. That's what I was kinda worried about. He seems like a GREAT guy,but I just can't be in relationships. They're not for me. My skittishness/nervousness and various other reasons,prevent me from having a successful relationship. I don't like the way I am,but I do not know how to get over my issues. =( The thing is,I managed to clock out on time for a change,and my mom wasn't there yet to pick me up,so I sat out side the door on a bench,to wait. Then suddenly I heard, "hey,r u ok?" and the manager drove up to me. I told him every thing was fine,and I was waiting on Mom. He offered to drive me home,but my mom was already on the way so instead,I ended up sitting in his truck w/him,just talking. And he started asking me some personal questions.
Stuff like, if I have a boyfriend,kids,and if I'm dating/looking for some1 to date. THOSE kind of questions make me feel SO uncomfortable. I don't like to talk about it. I can talk about it w/my best friend,but that's because SHE understands. She knows my issues and even,has some of the same issues/agrees w/me. But nobody ELSE understands me,so I don't like to talk about these things w/any1 else. Anyway,on Sunday when I worked,I was talking to this same manager,and I happened to notice a gold ring on his left hand. I do believe he is married,yet it seems he is interested in me? I hope not. The other thing that's making nauseous as hell(metophorically speaking of course) is...get ready for this...I'm developing a crush on him. =( He IS in my same generation,tho. he's only about 3 years older than I am. He was telling me he once had this car that was an '83',and that it was a yr older than he was. So he's...27,at least. At least we're close enough in age,but I do believe he is married,and I am NOT ready for relationships again. Yes, I admit, I am crushing on him,a little. But I MUST resist my feelings/attractions etc. like I have done for MANY years. Instead of the fear of rejection like it used to be,it's millions of OTHER fears. =,( Oh yeah,1 more thing,...he said I have a great personality. I think he might have been flirting w/me a little. tee hee. MAN, I wish could afford therapy. I think it's gonna TAKE therapy for me to get over these issues I have. T__T
The thing is too tho,he's a MANAGER,and I work under him. We couldn't date each other anyway,so I guess this a LITTLE bit of a relief to me,but it also makes me so damn MAD that I'm getting a crush on him. I mean,WHAT THE HELL??! NOOOOO! NO NO NO NO NO! >.< I'm fine w/crushing on Grant Wilson,thank u very much!! He's all the crushing I need! I don't need to crush on somebody else! AT ALL! >.<
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