Since every1 has their own set of problems and are sick of hearing mine, I will just blog from now on. I can't talk to any1 anymore. I am STILL grieving over the loss of my boyfriend,and I HATE it. So does everyone else...Sometimes it's.. "Oh what's wrong? Talk to me." But since it's about my boyfriend,they irritated with me again. It was only 6 months ago that I lost him. How soon does everybody expect me to move on? I wish I COULD. I believe me I wish I could. This pain just WILL NOT go away! =,( I am so SICK of people trying to match make me with someone,or getting pissed off at me because I mention my boyfriend. "That's a chapter in your life you need to close the book on."..."You remember your boyfriend A LOT don't u?" "No matter how much you cry over him,it won't bring him back." NO SHIT! I've heard it all a million times. NOBODY gets it! NOBODY has had to go through what I am going through! ok, no GUY anyway. It's all GUYS that are being this damned assanine just because some of them WANT me. Like this creepy guard at my job. He's like 72 or something! He's old enough to be my GRANDFATHER,and he has GRANDKIDS MY age!! oh..did I mention he's MARRIED???!! RRRRRRRRRRRRRGH! The things he has SAID to me that both creep me out and piss me off at the same time.
Wanting to make LOVE to me?? telling me I have a beautiful long NECK??? He's CREEPY!!!!! Just because my boyfriend died does NOT give u the excuse to make a MOVE ON ME!! EWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!! I have some friends who seem to care about me to a point,but even THEY get annoyed with me,and tell me I am playing the "pity me. pity me" game. FINE! I won't talk about it anymore, ok? I won't talk about ANYTHING anymore. I'm DONE! That's y I will just blog. This is 1 more thing that makes me miss my boyfriend that MUCH MORE. I could ALWAYS talk to him about ANYTHING. NO matter how much it bothered me or for how long! I knew he would always listen to me,and I knew he would comfort me. He was always there for me. I can't say that about any1 else. They get sick of me. My boyfriend NEVER did. Tell me, God, y the HELL did I have to lose him????? It's so UNFAIR!! =,(
Oh, so I "tune people out". Yeah? so WHAT if I do???? I can't let people in. They'll disappoint me. There will come a time when no1 will be there for me,so I try like hell not to get attached to any1-ESPECIALLY if that person is a GUY..a guy I might end up developing feelings for. I HATE it! I feel like I'm being taken advantage of and misunderstood all at once; all by different people. I'm trying to go back to being antisocial coz nobody understands me ANYWAY! I feel so much pressure! On top of that, I have friends who have pushed me to go to church w/them,and I have met other ppl there too...but there is 1 guy who is divorced,has no family here,and he sometimes says some things to me that make me very uncomfortable. I want to be helpful and encouraging to others,but it's very hard when I'm in desperate need of it myself. I MISS MY BOYFRIEND! I MISS HIM! MISS HIM! MISS HIM! He was the only 1 who NEVER got sick of me. The only 1 who I could always go to no matter how upset I was,and he would be there for me. Loving me instead of pissing all over my cornflakes about what bugs me! Of all people, WHY HIM???!! WHY did HE have to die???!! It isn't fair! I miss him so much!!! =,( =,( =,( I have no where to turn to anymore. I'm on my own now. I'll just keep blogging to vent coz I just can't talk to ANY1 about anything anymore. =,(
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