I finally decided to call him,but I was at school. I had had my sleep, had a chance to calm down and think things through. I was sitting in my car just before my next class started, thinking that I would call Rob and see what's up. I mean, I keep wanting to give up on him,but something is ALWAYS insisting I, "try 1 more time." I couldn't call him yet and just in case he was at work, I was trying to decide on a good time of night to call him when..VIOLA! I get a text message from him. I hadn't heard from him in 4 days,but he finally texted me and told me he had some problems and wouldn't talk to ANY1. It's comforting to know I wasn't the only 1 he was ignoring. A lot of times, he DOES ignore me and me alone. He told me he would tell me what was going on if I went over to his house...that is if I wanted to, lol.
Of course I did. I went over and we talked and hung out as usual. Watched some funny shows and even 1 movie(malibu's most wanted) which was funny as hell. I had some kind of deep talks w/him,and his neighbors kept showing up at random times during my visit, talking his ear off, and hogging him from me. >.< lol. At 1 time, we took a walk,and he knew about me being upset on Wednesday. I'm still embarassed by that and really don't wanna fess up to it. He kept asking me what was wrong. I didn't wanna say. If I told him, I might have to confess my feelings too,and I'm TERRIFIED of doing that. Everything to do w/relationships(at least the way fucking society and damn near every1 my age out there deems of it) freaks me out. I feel pressured and stressed out. I always feel like running away; like I'm always on EDGE. Instead of being happy and in love, I just feel FRIGHTENED all the time which isn't healthy in the least. I think I have a chance w/Rob,but I don't wanna get panicky and fight w/him the way I did w/Gary. I'm "supposed to" have an ADULT relationship,but I'm scared to go that far w/any1,and I doubt ANY guy-INCLUDING Rob is gonna be THAT understanding. I love him so much,but I'm SCARED 2 do anything about it. I just don't wanna get humiliated and hurt all at the same time all over again. I don't wanna admit any of this to him. I'm glad he cares about me so much and wants me 2 trust him,but I keep trying to hold onto what pride I have left. I don't think I can handle him knowing the WHOLE truth about me.
The good thing tho, is when I had to leave for the night, he gave me a hug! ^_^ I really wanted to hug him,and I think he knew it. He wanted the same thing. lol. He said, "r u gonna hug me or not, or r u just gonna stand there teasing me?" AWWWW!!! The next day, on Friday..we were zoning aisles together and chatting just old times(just like how we got to know each other 2 begin w/. ^_^),and we started talking about how annoying management is. We can talk to any1 else in the store just fine,but we got in trouble for talking 2 EACH OTHER??? wtf? He had also said something about how that's especially true when 2 best friends r of the opposite sex. THAT'S what we were talking about,yet Rob said something 2 me about how I "stress alot" how we're FRIENDS, like I think he might be interested in me further than that. I told him I NEVER thought that of him,and no I didn't realize I say that a lot. I wonder what THAT means? y would he even THINK of something like that? much less, bring it up?
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