;(

as USUAL, my friends r NEVER online for me to talk to anymore. I feel so distressed and have no1 to talk to,so I'm stuck blogging...AGAIN! >.< how come my relationships ALWAYS have problems in the very BEGINNING??? hmmm being on that time of the month and all...yep, what a GREAT time to have ur boyfriend damn near break up w/u! THANK U!*uses very sarcastic tone* My bf is far more insecure than I am. I just don't get it! He says he trusts me,but he acts like he doesn't. He almost broke up w/me coz for some reason he thinks there is som1else I'm seeing. really??? ME??!! the girl who SHIES away from relationships most of the time?? The girl who has been been heart broken so many times before but FINALLY gets the guy she's been in love w/ for MONTHS and has been so damn happy, find some1 ELSE??? Babe, I am NOT ur ex! I will NOT cheat on u! she was a fucking RETARD to let u go! u r AMAZING,and she was obviously 2 STUPID 2 get that! I NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER get the guy! EVER! and now that I have for the 1st time, I can ASSURE u, I do NOT want any1 else! I don't know if I'll ever find another guy who will put up w/my issues like u do; love me like u do.

u r my best friend. I can talk to u FOREVER and not get bored. u listen to me. u defend me. u show compassion and understanding toward me. do u not GET IT?? u r EVERYTHING I was dying to have in a man! u ARE the man I didn't think existed! u r my world! my everything! I have written DOZENS of sappy drippy poems about u for MONTHS! I have been MADLY IN LOVE w/u for a LONG. TIME! and when u told me u had feelings for me,it was a night I was so upset over something,and it made me feel AMAZING! those were words I wanted to hear for so long! HOW can I CONVINCE u that I love u so much??? HOW can I convince u that I'm not gonna hurt u? I am SCARED 2 DEATH of being in a relationship! I'm TERRIFIED of the future,yet I stick w/u anyway because I LOVE u! He told me we should prolly go back to being just friends and that was y. I managed to keep my (is it posure or COMposure) while I was on the ph w/him,but when I got off the ph I started crying. I mean we're still together and still trying to make this work,but it made me cry anyway. Now I feel depressed and have a hard time focusing on my paper I've been trying to write. I don't wanna lose him. He's the best thing that's ever happened to me. =(