I feel so stressed out all the time. How is it possible to be so happy yet so depressed and withdrawn at the same time? I got the man I love,so shouldn't I be happy? I am,but for some reason I feel upright and ill at ease too. I haven't been feeling like myself,and my sleep patterns r even worse than usual. I spent the night w/Rob last night,and the whole time he kept having involuntary twitches, like he was shaking so hard at times as if he were shivering.
He kept wanting to sleep on the floor or in his chair,so he wouldn't keep me up,but I wanted to sleep beside him-holding him. I didn't care about that. The problem I was having was I couldn't stay comfortable in 1 position for too long before I had to turn over again..plus I was freaking hot..then cold..and my throat felt SO. DRY! having to keep swallowing coz u can't get ur throat wet; don't have enough saliva will keep u up too. I had an amazing time tho. I love this man w/all my heart,and I wish I was able to make him see that. I feel better about being able to admit all the things to him that for MONTHS I had been keeping to myself...well at least from HIM anyway, lol.
It turns out there's a guy at work who kept asking me out for a while,and it seems like he just KNOWS I have a bf or something now coz he doesn't do that anymore. I told Rob about him,and Rob admitted to feeling a little jealous. awww! so cute! he doesn't have to be coz I don't want the other guy...I want HIM! ^_^ All those times I tried my best to hide my feelings from Rob..it had worked too well. He not only didn't think I was in love w/him(and I am),but he thought I hated him. aww! =( I told him I had been working my ass off to keep my secret safe. He admitted he thought I hated him. I knew he did even then,but I didn't know how to tell him I didn't hate him at all without admitting I love him. I finally told him that all my efforts to keep him from finding out how I felt about him made me look bad. It made it seem as if I didn't like him at all. =( We even had a good laugh over Charity. I told him she figured me out long ago..before she even knew me very well,and how she had been riding my ass to tell him how I feel about him since then. She told me herself and then Rob told me again last night how he was waiting for her to get out of the bathroom,so he could start cleaning and when she came out, she suddenly told him, "ya know, she just GLOWS whenever she talks about u." aww! that was cute! Rob said he had been having a bad day,so that made him feel better when she told him that. How sweet! ^_^
I think it sucks how Rob thinks I'm so concerned w/what other ppl think. As if I have a reputation to protect, and dating him is "killing" it. wtf? The only reason I get bent out of shape over the rumors is because they r a threat to our relationship. He seems to believe a lot of the shit they say about me. I told him that. I said I don't give a flying fuck what THEY think; I care what HE thinks. He seems to believe them,and that puts a MAJOR strain on our relationship. Even when we were just friends, it put a huge strain on that too,and it's been like this for MONTHS! I'm worried I'm gonna lose him over the stupid shit ppl at work say.
=(
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