I can't focus

I've been such an emotional train wreck lately.  So, just to piss me off, I'm falling head over heels in love again(gag). I have the best conversations w/this guy,and I get to act as goofy as I want w/him, and it doesn't scare him off. I dunno if he's "the 1" or not,but I'd say he comes pretty damn close. I desperately need to study for this test I have today,but I just can't  focus coz I can't stop thinking about him and even worse, I'm playing every love song I have on my ipod. I've got it bad. =( I don't wanna be in love. It makes me into some1 I DO NOT wanna be! I hate how I get. For instance, yesterday I was actually in a bitchy/depressed mood JUST because he wouldn't talk to me. Is that fucked up or what? I'm used to talking to him and goofing off and all that. I felt so rejected and hurt JUST because he wouldn't talk to me. Stupid, right?

 I didn't think about how he's been in pain lately w/his ankle,and he may just have been in as crappy a mood as I was.  Of course, I usually stop to consider stuff like that but YESTERDAY, I was on this crazy emotional roller coaster ride,and I just wasn't being logical; myself. I'm ADDICTED to talking to him,and I hate it when I don't get to. I can usually make him laugh(and most ppl in general),and that normally would cheer any1 up,but he just wouldn't give me the time or day so to speak. It made me feel rotten,and it shouldn't have. I hope he didn't hear me grumble under my breathe, "Fine. Don't fucking talk to me. Whatever." or something like that. Even tho he was kinda ignoring me yesterday, I couldn't help but notice that on his way out the door, he actually turned and looked over his shoulder at ME.

It was for a second or 2,but he just LOOKED at me for a few seconds; held my gaze for a short time before he turned back around and continued walking out. I wonder what that was all about. I wish I was a mind reader. It would certainly make EVERY THING so much easier. I could finally know the TRUTH for a change before I say or do something stupid to a guy. Now that I feel better today and more logical, I think back to how I walked away from him to keep myself from bitching him out coz that's how shitty I felt. Oh u could hang w/me all day 2 days ago,but today I'm nothing to u?? He might have been doing the same by "ignoring" me. Maybe he was in a shitty mood too and to keep from attacking me, he just ignored me- or kept silent so as to keep himself under control and not fly off the handle at me. I hope that's y. That makes me feel LOADS better if that was indeed the case. I'm hoping I got enough of this out of my system now that I can finally focus on my studying coz I DESPERATELY need to pass this exam today. Please God let me pass. I NEED this! =/ Here's to falling in love and being unable to focus on my school work. -_-