I'm sick of being in love with a dead man

I'm sick of being in love w/a dead man.
I can't talk to u anymore.
I can't be in ur arms anymore.
I can no longer hold ur hand-
or feel a little peace of heaven from seeing ur incredible smile-
coz u don't SMILE anymore.
our conversations r forever over.
done.
extinct.
like u.
I can't text with u anymore,or talk on the phone.
ur just a shadow of the past; a mere memory.
I want 2 forget u,but I can't.
I wish I could.
I try all the time.
I try 2 think of something else-ANYTHING else-
I even try 2 check out hot celebrities online and in movies.
I try 2 check out guys in general,but
none of them even come CLOSE 2 being has handsome as you were.
Even tho I don't wanna be in love ever again, I half hope I find some1 new to focus my attention,but even if I do...
I know it won't be the same.
He can be AMAZING!
He can make me laugh like u did.
I can have endless conversations and never get bored w/him like I did with YOU-
It's possible I can find true love again with another..
but it won't be the same.
He won't be YOU!
I don't know that even if I wanted to, I could feel the same way about another man as I had for you-
and still do.
I wish I could stop obsessing over you.
We had our joy and love together while it lasted, but now u r gone,
and there's nothing I can do to get back what we had.
I can NEVER have u back.
I have to move on now.
I miss u more than any word will ever be able to give justice too.
I know u can't even see what I'm writing about u.
ur DEAD!
even if ur soul is around SOMEWHERE and ur not just "sleeping" in ur gave until resurrection, you'll still be in another dimension-
maybe in heaven w/God,and if ur w/HIM, u won't notice or remember me anyway.
u won't want anything 2 do w/earth ever again nore those of us who u left behind here.
I doubt u even remember 2 adorable boys u have here still.
I'm glad YOU'RE at peace at least,but
I'm still suffering deeply.
You were the best thing that had ever happened 2 me,and u had 2 pass away.
I miss u so much.
I LOVE you so much.
I want my heart back now, ok?
U stole it so long ago
but now that ur dead,
I really want-really NEED my heart back now
so I can end this terrible suffering that makes me sick in heart and soul.
I feel as if I am dying too.
I just don't wanna think about u anymore-
don't wanna keep feeling the pain of ur (permanent) absence from my life.
I'm sick of this huge hole in my heart that I can never fill no matter what I do.
Just please leave me alone?
Take the stupid memories w/u,so that I don't have to remember my loss-
coz I am just so SICK of being in love w/a dead man. =(