Grief(tribute 2 Rob)

I wish I could stop thinking about you-
about what happened.
I wish I could stop being knocked down by the memories; by the flashbacks that suffocate me whenever I go to work-the place where we 1st met and fell in love.
I wish you were still here and that I didn't have to wake up each and every day remembering that you are gone now.
coz each and everyday feels like a constant punch in the stomach.
I feel like a demon w/ razor sharp claws is reaching inside of me-ripping me open;  ripping me from the inside out; turning me inside out like a shirt being taken off and hurled to the floor.
I'm tired of having the illusion for a while that, maybe I'll be ok now,and then out of nowhere, the smallest thing will set me off-
like a hurricane, my illusion of peace is just the eye,but the storm is never over.
before I know it, the tears will come again like the great flood u read about in the bible-or like a tsunami/tidal wave/hurricane..
any disaster u can think of- that is how POWERFUL my emotions are.
I had such high hopes for you; I thought u would pull through.
I thought we had a future together,but at last, despite my begging pleas to God 2 let me keep u-
he took u from me anyway- in the blink of an eye.
Not just from ME-
but ur family too.
ur parents.
ur sisters.
and most importantly...
ur sons.
2 little boys who haven't seen their father in 2 years,and now never will again.
2 little boys who I know u missed terribly,and it sucks that u didn't get 2 see them 1 last time before u departed.
Not 2 truly quote the remix song for and by Aaliyah, but...
I miss u.
ur family misses u.
Even some of our coworkers miss u.
Ted and Sherry miss u-I know u liked them as much as I do. They r really sweet people. =)
Even Andrew is sorry about ur loss-even tho u 2 didn't like each other; he didn't get 2 know u the way the rest of us did-he didn't know u were a nicer man than u allowed him 2 see,but he thinks u didn't deserve this either.
Damn, I miss you!
You were my heart and my soul; my soul mate.
You told me once that I would go on 2 do great things in the world and 2 never forget u.
u said that 2 me MONTHS before u died.
I will never forget u-I can't.
I want 2 just for the sake of easing the pain,but I know I can't.
I can never forget how I finally found true love-something I didn't believe in.
I can never forget how I finally had a REAL man- once again,
something I didn't believe in.
and of course...
unconditional love.
something we were BOTH seeking and found in each other. =,)
I miss u, Sweetie.
R.I.P.
I pray I see u again in heaven someday.
I don't want this 2 be the end of US.