Baby, I really hope u didn't kill urself. I really hope this is an accident.
U have no idea what pain I'm going thru right now.
I used 2 ALWAYS tell u, "I DON'T want 2 LOSE u." and I MEANT IT!!
I TOLD u, I meant it!
I've been crying for almost 4 days now since ur dad broke the news to me.
I felt shitty coz I had JUST talked to u on the phone that very same day before I went to work.
about 7/8 hours later when I got home, ur dad called me(from UR ph no less) to tell me u had died.
u used to text me ALL the time,so now i always think I'm hearing the sound my ph makes when I get texts but when I check,I have no new texts.
It's driving me CRAZY,so I had to change my text sound..AND my ring tone coz I couldn't stand to hear those alerts anymore.
they drive me crazy.
I miss u sooo fucking much, u have no idea.
ur family misses u.
I'm def sure ur sons miss u.
I bet they're grieving just as bad as I am right now.
I wish u could see and hear everything that is going on right now. Did u know ur step mom asked me if I was pregnant?? did u know she was HOPING I was??remember how I didn't wanna sleep w/u because I didn't wanna get pregnant?? a part of me wishes we had and that we were gonna have a baby for the same reason ur step mom was hoping for it...so we'd have a sort of piece of u 2 remember u by.
did u know she ALSO told me REPEATEDLY how I could have been her daughter-in-law someday? do u know much that HURT for me 2 hear??
the good news is, I finally got to see pics of ur sons, even tho they're BABY pics-not current ones. but I finally got to see em. I loved seeing pics of holding ur son. it made my heart melt. I have 1 or 2 of em now of u holding...I think it's Robbie in both those pics.
I was crying over u for days in end,now I'm just pissed off.
I'm pissed coz I'm starting to think u committed suicide..only this time u succeeded. CONGRATULATIONS! I hope ur fucking satisfied!
I hope ur happy u hurt a whole bunch of ppl at 1 fucking time!
if that isn't true,and it was an accident, I am so sorry,and I'm gonna miss u so much.
There's not a day that goes by I don't miss u.
I am actually wearing 1 of ur old shirts now.
I know u hated this 1-thought it looked gay on u,but I thought it looked damn good on u.
u looked so dressed up and STUNNING.
u didn't think u were attractive,but I always thought u did.
u had an AMAZING smile and BEAUTIFUL eyes.
my friend came over 2 cheer me up coz I'm grieving over u..she saw ur pic and said u were cute.
she thought u were a total cutie,and u were.
remember when u said I should find some1else,and I told u I didn't want any1 else and I even said, "y should I? so I can lose THAT guy too?" remember? I STILL feel like that!
I don't WANT any1 else!
I had the best guy already,and now ur gone.
remember when I said that being in love and relationships always blows up in my face??
well babe,it fucking happened AGAIN!
just like it ALWAYS does.
I'm THRU!
I never want 2 fall in love again.
EVER!
I'm SICK of never getting the guy-or
I'm SICK of getting the guy and then he either treats me like CRAP-OR..
DIES!
Fuck it! I can't have any1!
Piss on it!
I'm done!
I'm through.
I'm not meant to have LIFE LONG true love.
I had it,and now I don't.
ur gone.
I will never see u again.
I will never kiss u again.
I will never be in ur arms again.
I will never get to have u look at me and give me a goofy smile when I'm in a bad mood and make me laugh,then u tell me, "there u r" again.
I will never again get to hold ur hand, or walk and talk w/u on the beach.
I will never get to talk u again.
I will never get to pick on u again.
Hell, I won't even get to fight w/u again.
yeah, oddly enough, I miss that too.
U were my happiness,so I guess that's y u had 2 die, right?
U made me happy,so like anything else that makes me happy, u had 2 be taken from me!
I should have known this would happen.
It always does.
Fuck Love. >.<
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