the pain never quite goes away. u can bury it deep and knock it unconscious,but u never can really destroy it.
it always come back. when u least expect it..w/a vengeance. ur under the illusion that time has helped u 2 accept he's gone,
but it's only a matter of time before ur thinking about him again,and remembering ur time together and wishing he was still here.
the pain consumes u before u know it.
ur missing him again and wanting to die because living w/the pain is exhausting and stressful and sheer torture. u want him back all the time.
but u can never have him back.
u accept that he's never coming back,and numb ur mind to his loss.
sometimes u numb urself so well that it feels like u made him up. or at the very least, u feel like ur relationship was made up and sometimes even wonder if he even existed to begin w/.
then u start to feel sad because u feel like u are betraying him w/ur desperate attempt to forget him just to ease the pain.
it isn't long before ur driving by his old place or see or hear something else that reminds u of him,and the memories bombard u and remind u that he WAS real. he DID exist and so is the fact that u were indeed a couple,and it's real all over again,and u miss him all over again.
the grief starts all over,and the whole vicious cycle is back. u miss him so much,u feel the stabbing pain in ur heart all over again; the hole in ur heart that was never filled.
only patched over for a while. ur once again trying not 2 curse God for taking him.
u know that no other man will be as good for u or love u like he did;
u know u won't be able to love another man as much as u loved him.
it's a vicious cycle of come and go pain that u know u will live w/for the rest of ur life coz
the memories r forever imprinted in ur mind. true love truly never dies even when ur TRUE LOVE does.
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