I have 2 get this out SOMEWHERE lol

I don't want 2 admit this 2 ANY1-not even my own best friend.  I def do not approve of the way  things work out even if the outcome is "positive." the thing is-I have a crush on a married man. yep. I know I have done this before,but at least the married man I crushed on before was not someone I personally know. he was a celebrity who this kinda thing is expected to happen to him I guess. I dunno. wanna know the irony? he's a PASTOR. yep. pastor of the church a few friends of mine talked me into going to because I was falling apart in the WORST ways over losing Rob(my boyfriend). All this man was supposed to do was help me. I had a lot of questions,and he had answers. my faith is not 100%-not even 50%,and I needed some advice. some kind of "therapy" if u will. He was a HUGE help,and even made me feel a lot better than I had in 6 months over losing the love of my life. ok, well, I was NOT supposed to get a crush on him. this was NOT part of the plan at ALL. so this is driving me bananas,and nobody I personally know reads my blogs,so this is where I will get this out at. each time I see this pastor, I go more gaga over him. the thing that sucks is that he flirts w/me. I dunno if he is REALLY attracted to me,or if he is goofing around/trying to boost my self-esteem. either way, I LIKE it,and I shouldn't. =( he is MARRIED and has 3 kids. but I amm SO attracted to him. I get GOOFY when I'm around him. I smile like an idiot. I think about him A LOT. I KNOW I will NEVER act on this crush. I will never try 2 kiss him,sleep w/him,or even so much as hold his hand,but he does hug me,and I don't mind. he hugs every1else from church too,so it isn't really so bad. besides, what am I gonna do? say, "oh, I'm sorry. u can't hug me anymore because I have a huge crush on u,and I enjoy it way too much. u r married,so I cannot accept this." it's idiotic! am I supposed 2 turn down a hug just because I ENJOY it? even if I'm getting  it from a married man? isn't everything to do w/God supposed to give us joy somehow? HE trusts me, lol. I mean, in a way, I guess u could say God sent me this man's direction to begin w/- KNOWING I was gonna develop a GIGANTIC crush on  him. lol it doesn't help that he sometimes calls me a "beauty" or "cutie". HEY! stop exciting me like that! u MUST not encourage me like that! DON'T!! I LIKE it,and I SHOULDN'T! I know I will never act on this crush,but I fear if it continues 2 grow,it will become OBVIOUS to every1. I don't want certain ppl(especially not him OR his WIFE) to figure out I LIKE him. I would never be able 2 face these ppl again. =( my crush HAS been getting bigger all the time. I don't think there has EVER been a time in all my history that somebody somewhere has NOT found out about my having a crush and who it's on. lol. but DAMN he is CUUUUUUUUUUUTE! he is FIIIIIIIIIIINE!  *drools* he has become my damn HEART THROB! but I shall keep that to myself. I am not a homewrecker. never have been. never will be. I am a PROFESSIONAL at denying myself-at least when it comes to men. lol. I just had 2 get this out of my system. I LIKE THE GUY!!! I HAVE A SERIOUS CRUSH ON HIM! AHHHHHHHH! ok, now it's (kinda) out of my system. lol