Mental Anguishes

I have soooo many of them. I've always had mental anguishes of some sort,but I've never felt THIS bad before. I feel like I need 2 be locked away in an asylum. Like, I need 2 have the most professional therapy money can buy; what is most expensive in therapy. I swear puberty and being a teenager NEVER compared 2 how I feel now..how I've been feeling for years-how I've been feeling for 4 months now. Ever since I lost my boyfriend,everything else made a turn for the worst too. I have a coworker who's a total ASSHOLE(he was always a "know-it-all" before,but this time he's worse-more bossy and arrogant than ever!), I am battling 2 have a christian faith. I wish I had it like other christians do. I have enough faith 2 fear for my eternity,but not enough to feel any peace of mind. I feel even more mentally unstable; feel even more forgetful, a.d.d. etc than I've ever been before. I'm full of anger; full of rage' full of hostility. I resent  my boyfriend being dead when most other couples still have THEIR "other half." I resent always being stuck working in retail. I resent never having control of my time; control of my life. I resent not having any USEFUL talents/skills. I resent so much and do not know how 2 appreciate what I DO have anymore,and I resent that too. Sometimes, I just resent myself. Now, I know how my bf felt. Always feeling useless, stupid, wondering y I am even here,wishing I would just die at times, etc. I feel as if my boyfriend's anxieties/depression moved into ME when he died. I hate feeling so damn lonely,yet wanting no1 around me at the same time. It's a shitty feeling 2 have. =(